oscars the slouch.

Wow. Billy Crystal is awful. I hope he doesn't sing a song. And he went right into a song. Who wants this? Who sits around wanting this? The best acting job of the night was Brad Pitt laughing at the song. The best make up job was whoever doused Crystal's hair with soy sauce.

I just realized now the kind of collusion behind not nominating Zombieland for best actress. It really was just an excuse to nominate a black actress. Not to launch on a race diatribe but why not just nominate Columbiana too?

Wow. Tom Hanks has a cool dad beard. He looks ridiculous. Everyone has glasses. Tribute to the lamest movies ever.

Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz out to present the award for the two people I hate the most in the building. And then tried to make it about themselves. Gross fucking humans. Now they just tried to be funny, and to give them credit it was as funny as anything they could possibly do, which is miserably unfunny. Their personal assistant staff deserve a nomination for the job they undoubtedly did back stage acting like they were hilarious.

Morgan Freeman has a hilarious earring. Why is Adam Sandler here? Why is Ben Stiller here? Why is Reese Witherspoon here? Why is Tom Cruise here?

Sandra Bullock looks gWHY IS PUFF DADDY THERE?!? Nice to see a movie from Iran win best foreign. If for nothing else but to see a room full of Jewish people be uncomfortable. He's talking about peace, is he kidding?

Nick Nolte has a fucking spray tan.

Christian Bale is reading like he was a fucking police officer reading the report in the court room. And the award goes to the black lady for being black. Oh well. I'm 0-1. Angelina Jolie's lips are red and she looks like a Robert Palmer video ho. George Clooney is there with the 3rd manager for The Dudley Boyz.

The editing award went to the movie that lasted way too fucking long. Is that one of The Flight of the Concords guy? I can't figure it out... he looks like one, he just tried a joke and it wasn't funny and people laughed, has to be him.

Cirque du soleil guy just fell down and I think it's all a joke. Craziest thing maybe ever and one guy falls. Suck a dick circus. Chris Rock is hilarious.

Christopher Plumber. 1-2. There we go. Nick Nolte looks like Santa clause. Billy Crystal is drowning. He did the rewind joke. Yikes. Angelina Jolie has a 7head and she covered up her lol waitress tattoos.

Woody deserved to win for best screenplay He wrote a great movie it just sucks it didn't turn out well. Holy lol why is Milla Jovovich there? Did she agree to do a voice over? ahh.. cue: voice over.

Streep takes it down, I'm 1-3. This is getting ugly, what the fuck was I thinking? The Help lady must be sad losing her one nomination to a woman who should have 20 stupid trophies.

So the lead from The Artist won? Ok it's a lock for best picture now. Oh well. I can't 100% say it shouldn't win. I enjoyed Moneyball more and I think Extremely Loud and The Descendants are better movies.

And yeah, there it is...The Artist wins, I'm a pussy for picking The Descendants. Oh well. 1-5, pretty bad. oh well.