Just when you thought we couldn't possibly discuss rape anymore

At this point I asked some of my friends for some heroes and this is what they suggested and for those of you who haven't read my High Plains Drifter post, Clint Eastwood's character the hero rapes a woman almost before the credits finish. I'm exploring what could happen to a character from a movie if they committed rape and how we would all feel about them going forward and in turn; basically proving rape should bum everyone out and make everyone hate the protagonist instantly.

Natalie David Jeremy Shauna Chris and Vinny all picked the following.

Detective John McClane - no brainer pick. Let's just dive into the logical rape scenario and skip the summary because everyone knows John. Ok so it isn't in Die Hard 1,

Die Hard 2


or even Die Hard With a Vengeance (which we will visit in our "worst villain of all time" discussion.

MORE LIKE JOHN MCCAIN AM I RITE?!?!?!

Alas in these 3 movies there's no chance to for 1 lack of viable women or 2 his ex wife would so take it willingly after killing Hans Gruber.I guess the most reasonable rape scenario for him to rape would be in live free or die hard with his daughter. Yep. I said it. Fuck you. She wasn't appreciative of what ok ok ok fine the Asian lady but seriously she sucks for hating her dad he saved like 700 lives before that movie where he saved like another couple thousand. Anyways the Asian lady McClane beats her down with his toughness and her clear advantage in the fight of not being in 2 car accidents and a helicopter crash and various beatings. Couple that with her martial arts training and for Christs sakes this movie stinks. Ok so he beats her down but doesn't kill her. And he needs to work her over for info. Now here is the problems.
1 McClane has been in 3 movies already so to torch his legacy over a deep dicking of some henchmen would just be tits on a bat ridiculous.
2 if she was in a movie with Willis at this point she obviously had to fuck him to even get in the movie to begin with. That's irrelevant but I just wanted to point out to women that its time to start fucking if you want things.
3 the sidekick comedy guy who looks like Shia LaBeouf or whatever is right there so for Willis to get hard and nail her in front of Labeouf he'd instantly become a total fucking creep and he'd instantly grow a mustache and the movie would completely collapse into itself like if you took Yzerman off the Red Wings.
So McClane is out.

Jaci and her infantile picks.

Peter pan: Now despite Robin Williams deserving the rape we have to think about what would happen if the hero became a rapist and to be frank with you the opportunity for rape just isn't even here. Unless he shrinks or Tinkerbell grows then i really am a loss for words with this one. He's not gonna pull a McClane and rape his own daughter.
And if he did the lost boys would just lose their fucking shit and revolt and side with Hook. So I mean what can he possibly do? He's an adult male finding his inner child, not sure how anyone could forget being a flying nymph that fought pirates. I remember the day i woke up and forgot dinosaurs were extinct but later over breakfast was reminded by Momsy that they are in fact extinct. But Pan can't remember the first 13 years of his life? AND flying? Rape in a PG movie would go over about as well as me drunk at a mothers against drunk driving meeting complete with me taunting them with jingling my keys. How we ended up here is detestable. Its a PG movie even Hook couldn't rape in this movie with out the whole thing just going to shit. Pan is bangeranged out of this.


Dr Alan Grant - If anyone is capable of rape its absolutely Sam Neil, guy looks like a total dead eye creep. Saddler and him are already an item so bear with me on this one. Now he is married and he loves his girlfriend/fiance thing but lets talk about the brachiosaurus in the room clearly this fucking ghoul has his eyes on Hammond's grand daughter. So we skip to them being in the tree together. His reasoning is clear as day. She's already in love with him. The guy has written like 3 books, he's handsome, he's beaten a t-rex in combat and he now has her life in his hands.
She kind of looks like a mix of Aurora Snow and Brett Hull, but she's all growns up, you're out in the woods surrounded by prehistoric death machines hellbent on killing the fuck out of you and look who's protecting you? YEP the creep from Event Horizon.
Now moving along into Grant's train of thought. There's no guarantee you make it out, and if you do you could always trip her and let the raptors tear apart any of the DNA evidence. Of course had Grant gone through with what i assume was his only waking thought over and over thinking about ruining her pre-teen vag.

...the fall out
maybe the biggest ever?

Instantly he surpasses Nedree as the number one guy you want to see devoured by the dinosaurs. You go from rooting for him to make it to the end and avoiding the raptors to hoping a raptor bites his throat then a t-rex bites the raptor and Grant AND a Triceratops stomps his body in a stampede all in one motion. Its a pg-13 movie so the world would just end. There is no discussion.
So Grant is out just because of the crowd reaction, its a kids movie directed by Spielberg. However in an interesting turn of events Jaci was able to name the first character that is both a hero AND someone i could completely sign off as a rapist, and in this case a child rapist. Nice work you fucking creep.