movies you already saw

yeah thats about it

This truly is the Oceans 11 super cast of no talent. Every mediocre black actor is in this movie Where is Idris Elba?
He couldn't get away from filming The Losers? When will there be a Fast and Furious and The Expendables cross over movie?


Holy shit why is the bad guy from Desperado oh.... He's the bad guy. I guess I'm supposed to believe that he's Brazilian. Because this takes place in RIo. Which in it of itself is fucking hilarious. 3rd continent for this franchise. Psyched about the Sudan installment where Dom races some local diamond mine war lord guy played by again the logical direction for this franchise....Idris Elba. of course they'll have an evil right hand gorgeous woman henchman.

Everything tyrese says is offensively stereotypical black guy to the point it is racist. If this movie was viewed by a more educated audience who knew that it should be viewed as offensive it would be a much bigger issue than it is.

Don Omar? Tego Calderon? Where is Daddy Yankee? Cars play almost no role. I never would've guessed that two reggaeton stars and a rapper would play a much bigger role on this movie than any car.

Ahhhh. The trade mark of a lazy script. Completely made up technology that will probably never exist. It's like a James Bond gimmick.

Tyrese has giraffe mouth.


1/3rd of the movie is in subtitle-less Spanish. I'm watching the DVD and the only subtitle option is Spanish and Thai. Is what they're saying to each other important? I have no idea what the bad guys, the cops or two of the guys on the team are saying.

0 car driving. They show implied racing. They don't even show the racing. They implied a race occurred. I'm watching a heist movie under the guise of racing. What the fuck is this?

The rock disappears for 45 minutes mid movie. It's like he had 4 days on the set. He's the antagonist and he dominated the story at first and now it's over. The movie took a break from establishing a character and now we are watching guys weld stuff without explaining what they're doing.

I hate it when my parents fight


The most obvious plot twist betray telegraphed 40% into the movie. That everyone knows is coming. Also I'm complaining about a Fast and Furious movie telegraphing its twist. Figuring it out doesn't make me feel smart. I'm actually giving the movie praise because I thought the movie would've taken less time.

What is Dom Turrano anyways? Italian? Mexican? He's half black isn't he? What is he? They imply he's about 10 different nationalities. His sister is Latin gf is Mexican. They elude to him being Italian. I'm lost.

At least 42 unblocked full swing connected punches to the face in the rock vs vin diesel fight. People would die if they got hit full force this many times. ........SOMEONE THROW A BLOCK.

The rock joins forces with diesel.

Amazing.

FINALLY THE CHASE.

They tow a gigantic safe down a street and it crushes a fuck ton of buildings and cars probably killing dozens. But apparently they're the good guys. How does The Rock explain to his superiors why he took part in a robbery that destroyed millions of dollars of private property including what looked like hospitals schools banks and definitely a police department. The tow lines connected to the vault they are dragging rip down numerous concrete structures. I guess they're made out of adamantium. How do the lines not break?
This is bizarre now. You're killing police men. I understand the higher ups are corrupted but you are driving a safe down a metropolitan area murdering civilians eventually some legit cops are going to ask you to stop doing that. And you respond with murderous rage.

How many empty garages are there in Rio? The entire movie takes place in 6 different empty garage locations scattered across a city. That city being Rio.
Why Rio?

In closing.

Fast
And
Furious
Five
Is
2
Hours
Long
Fuck
What
You
Know.