Thor was not a 3d film it turns out. Just a movie they made and decided in hindsight to throw some 3d parts into it to capitalize on the 3d craze which at this point isn't a craze and to call it a craze still is like continuing to call Clive Owen a hollywood star or Jules Asner a television personality. At one point I decided the Risky Business glasses weren't worth the hassle of marveling over a close up of a hammer.
Ok moving onto casting, I honestly have 0 problems with it. The guy who played Thor looked like Thor and was charming when he needed to be and handsome and was an Aryan poster boy for Hitler. Tall and incredibly handsome and a good enough actor. I don't know much about him, I assume him to be Australian. He was a great Thor, I have no complaints especially when you read that Thor could have been Triple H from the WWE.
Portman was whatever it sucks seeing how high she can fly in great movies and then see her settle down in a comic book movie. Kind of like RDjr, Jeff Bridges, Don Cheadle and Sam Rockwell all be whatever in Iron Man. Which is fine for me because I'm a fan-man(no longer a boy) and I want comic movies. But really is a disservice to their talents careers and a chance to make a great movie rather than a comic book remake. It's over kill it's like dumping a hurricane on a brush fire. If you took those great actors and a studio behind them committing money to a great original script with a strong director you could have a masterpiece instead of a happy meal toy. But again, I just want comic book movies so suck the side of my dick.
By the way Mickey Rourke has officially paid Arinofsky back the same way Travolta paid back Tarantino for resurrecting his career. By being in shot movie after shit movie after shit movie until hes just box office poison again. Straight to DVD all over again, makes me think Christopher Nolan should give JCVD a chance in a movie. If for no other reason then I'd love to see him be given a bigger bankroll to produce movies where he is the hero for the sole purpose of fucking the female cast. Which he does. And it's kind of hilarious.
Now in the comics obviously these characters are different but I'm not one of those assholes who thinks the movies should mirror the comics in storyline. I mean streamlining a story line for 100 minutes has to happen, Spider Man gets bit on a field trip to save time between establishing him as a nerd and his transformation, Iron Man comes up with the suit in a month while in a jail cell to get the villain in line and the plot set up, Wolverine is a fruity unintimidating douche bag in the Xmen movies and so on.
Portman was adequate. I've noticed the PG13 never spreads to the females anymore in comic movies. No more bottom to top scroll over the body to take in the attractiveness of the lady scene anymore I understand it's a kid movie and side titty is out of the question and a but still... Thor is supposed to fall in love with this broad in 48 minutes of real time movie, how is this happening when you don't establish her as more than just a meteorologist. I'm scraping the bottom of the bowl for this one. I just think Portman is wildly attractive and her in a vest boots and cargo pants is like drinking Blue Label from a coffee mug. I want to see her tits, fuck you.
Loki was... Surprisingly good. Not Who knew Culkin had it in him.
Anthony Hopkins continues to prove that Silence of the Lambs was a fluke and he can really only play one role besides Lecter and that's wise well-to-do older man who maybe has become too stubborn and not open to new ideas. I also feel like the movie did a bit of a bad job telling you that Odin is supposed to have god-strength. Maybe they didn't want to over play the whole Norse god thing when they're selling it to the Midwest and bible belt. Hard to sell a hero who negates the thing they live their lives for/give 10% of their income away for. No not Chic-Fil-A.
Back to equal opportunity Thor. Asian Viking god. Black Viking god. I'm not upset about it but the only thing missing was the Hispanic cross gender Viking god in a wheelchair. the Asian Viking talking like Tony Ja was certainly off putting too. And having Stringer Bell play a Viking is really shocking.
Especially when he's playing Heimdell. Who's role in the movie and in Viking religion is kind of skewed same with his role in comics and this movie. But whatever, I like Idris Elba a lot and it was nice to see him in a movie where he didn't have an unlit cigar and a suit on. The whole movie I was expecting Loki to be paid a visit by Brother Mouzone or Avon Barksdale and Slim Charles to drive by in a Ford Excursion blasting Ludacris drive by style. For those of you who don't get these references RUN do not walk to queue up The Wire on Netflix DVD. Unlike some Thor purists I don't really care about a black norse god, and if you do have a problem with it maybe you should grow up its a fucking kids movie about a fucking kids comic book loosely based on a made up religion that was told to fucking kids.
I wish the ice giants were actually giant sized and not just Carmello Anthony sized. I mean they were tall but to call them giants would be like calling Indiana Jones 4 a "slight disappointment given the anticipation".
I never like movies where one of the bigger enemies is a robot and the faceless Destroyer was kind of just "eh". It's just a drone sent by the guy we actually want to see do damage, In fighting it it's just what it is. Your hero vs a suit of armor that has no perception of events. The climax of Iron Man 2 was awful. 2 robots vs 15 robots. And all the robots looked the same. I need an enemy to have purpose and perception not programming and binary. The exception being Terminator. Then it was scary. Now its just time consuming and boring. The Destroyer isn't a robot but he's close enough.
Loki did a good job of being unlikable. Tricked Thor, ruined his coronation was going to kill his dad fucked Mila Kunis Had the reasons why he turned evil Was adopted. Brother was a genetic freak with super powers. Michael Jackson licked his balls. Get it?
What I liked most about Thor is that it wasn't another super hero finding out his powers an becoming comfortable and accepted as himself. It had a redemption/coming of age story with out the burden of an origin story. The Jotunheim scene where he fought the frost really tall guys was great and it only reaffirms how he smashes the rest of the Avengers and Marvel World movies in powers. And it's kind of funny in scale seeing that Thor would take like 4 seconds to wipe out the villains of The Fantastic Four, Spiderman, Xmen, Hulk and Iron Man movies.
The humor/comic relief was actually enjoyable. I thought the taser scene was funny and I appreciate the taser operating girl having noodz leak just in time for me to google her name after I saw the movie. Kats Dennings has great tits and deserves to be commended for them and immediately destroyed for being dumb enough to send pictures of them to some guy. It's amazing how much more attractive a girl is when you realize she has no self respect.
Now here's where the girl(go back to the first paragraph second mistake) next to me became a problem. Explaining the Bifrost Bridge to her 5 times and how they didn't time travel or go to another part of middle earth or whatever became distracting and absolutely not worth the post movie coitus. Now for me to blame her seems a bit out of line but she was supposed to be a symbol of the typical fan walking into a movie like Thor there in not understanding the back story. They took their time explaining the whole multiple worlds thing. They never addressed Odin-sleep and why he needs it, and that he isn't dead.
As a quick side point why was Rene Russo in that movie? She literally had 5 lines and she was once known as a famous actress, did she have kids or something? When I leave a movie theater where a comic book fan just saw his second favorite comic book character in a movie and all he can think about is how silly Rene Russo something is amidst!!
The final fight was silly. Thor can shit on Loki's face if he wants. Loki needs minions with him. And not robots or drones. Even the Ice Lebrons would've worked or at least would've been better than a fight with the god of thunder and a guy who's one move was a PSYCHE! MADE YOU LOOK!! Maybe if they gave Loki a day to get ready and tie strings to paint cans and put a blowtorch on a kitchen door he could've put up a better fight. Get it? He looks like Macully Culkin.
This was always my problem with the Thor comics, they rarely gave him a villain worthy of Thor's powers. And to be honest vikings fighting frost giants is kind of a pussy batle in itself. Thor killed what looked like 500 frost giants in this movie, to argue that ragnarok at the end of the world is one big battle against them is kind of hilarious. It would take Thor 5 minutes to wipe them out. To think that they based a culture a squash.
All in all I liked the movie. Not as much as Iron Man 1 or Xmen 2 but decent enough. It had its problems but the special effects worked out great. I recommend not seeing it in 3d as the Ice James Worthy battles are kind of blurry especially the first one, compared to the time when I got drunk and saw the movie Sunday by myself.
After the review review on after the credits:
The Skrull cube looks interesting in itself, especially with the addition of Loki. Makes me think that they're going to do the body snatcher invasion Skrull story line, which is a solid one. Or they're gonna do the Ultimates story of the alien invasion for the Vibranium.
The Avengers movies still have only one star in them so far out of Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, The Hulk Black Widow and Captain America, so far only Robert Downey JR is the star. Maybe that will change, kind of stupid to get rid of Edward Norton, different argument for a different day.
Anthony Hopkins in The Road to Wellville.
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