overdoing it.

K19 widow maker is the worst movie you never saw. I can't get over why they insisted in speaking English in Russian accents. Its a true story about a Cold War era Russian Nuclear sub, why are they not just speaking Russian? Then why have them speak English with a Russian accent? Just speak normal English, call it an American sub and have the ending be accurate to the American story where we dropped a bomb on China or whatever and killed Hitler in his dick.

I like submarine movies for some reason. Maybe its because I'm not claustrophobic until I think about underwater caves and how much they freak me out. Imagine having to swim through a concrete pipe underwater? Wouldn't that completely freak you out? There's been a couple really good sub movies and this is not one of them. The Hunt for Red October and Das Boot will always be the perennial favorites for everyone, but for me I really liked the Crimson Tide. This paragraph would normally be deleted for going nowhere but for some reason I want my favorite submarine movie known.

This movie's 6.6 is one of IMDB's most gracious ratings, right next to Kingdom of Heaven getting a 7.1. It makes me actually want to start seriously voting on IMDB's 1-10 but the day I have the time to do that is the day I'll start a blog just to hammer actresses and movies that I don't like. Which reminds me this movie has 0 women characters and I actually miss them, allthough I'm sure Michelle Rodriguez would be in this movie as the street tough kid who gives it like she gets it. If she could do a Russian accent, but then again it didn't stop anyone else from being casted.

The doctor of the movie for some reason is in his 60s which is odd considering in the military wouldn't he be retired? They couldn't find a younger Doctor? Luckily the movie does you the favor of hiding that issue by having him speak with an English accent. Which is so much more distracting than the bad Russian accents. It would be like on top of Sasha Grey's shitty acting in Entourage making her wear an ant eater suit. Its shittiness distracting you from out of place awkwardness overlapping shitty story line to begin with. It really is a 7 layer burrito of awful. Its putting a lion on a roller coaster that is going to crash, by the time you really start wondering who took the time to strap a lion down and put it on a fucking roller coaster you've gone off the tracks and you're just wating to crash into the fucking ground.

The constant "comrading" of each other is a bit much, they might as well be holding up Russian flags all the time. I'm sure they called each other that from time to time but its in every fucking sentence at this point. Its a prefix and a suffix to statements thats just unnecessary at best. Harrison Ford just stopped doing his accent. This is kind of funny. Ok he's doing it again. Not sure what that was about. Harrison must've been having an off day for that scene or he got the Indiana Jones 4 script between scenes and was so dumfounded he broke character and just read the lines from cue cards.

outside: "We must not surrender the ship"
inside: "A FUCKING REFRIGERATOR?"


Everyone sounds like they're doing Rocky IV impressions. Harrison Ford just said "if he dies he dies". What's funny is the second tier stars accents are better than the first. Liam Neeson should just be arrested for stealing a check for this movie.

Liam Neeson is just talking I'm not sure where he's from but this is just Liam being Liam. Which is off putting. At least his hair isn't died hot rod flat black. Honestly I've never been impressed with Liam. They bill him in movies like he's really ever been in anything special other than the trailer for Taken.

What this movie lacks in passion and quality acting it more than makes up for with scenes of crushingly depressing scenes of young men dying. A third of the crew dies from radiation sickness. I don't know if anyone has ever seen people dying of radiation sickness but it's kind of like people dying of any disease its slow and full of vomit and sores.

Unlike other movies where exposure to radiation sickness would give these guys powers in this movie they just kind of have their skin get cooked and they shake and puke out their last hours. Makes me wonder what the fuck Stan Lee was thinking with some of his origins for his super heroes. If Peter Parker would have been bitten by a radioactive spider he'd shit blood until his heart was too weak to beat.

Which ironically would've been better than Spiderman 3.