LOTR IS LOL PT2 PT1

I have a confession. I was half way through the 3rd LOTR when about 15 minutes into it I realized it wasn't the second.

So here we go

The lord of the rings 2 the two towers. Kind of a bad decision to name this movie like this. Especially in 2002. Especially when there's no attention drawn to the towers. Really gorgeous opening scene in the mountains but then they ruin it by going back to the movie. New Zealand is a gorgeous place I'd love to never go it. Anyways. They open up with Magneto fighting the big monster that's bigger than the other monsters. Anyways Donkey Kong falls and a minute later magneto falls. What sucks though is despite Donkey Kong being much bigger and made out of stone magneto somehow catches up to him during the plummet into the....inner mountain abyss? Anyway he catches up and fights Donkey Kong in mid air and they both hit the ground and die. I realized at this point that the movie doesn't give a shit about the concrete reality of dying but now physics can just go fuck itself too.

Nothings happening right now so I'll type this here. Lord of the Rings? Rings? More than one? I only see one ring. What is this about? Its bad enough this movie was named just to taunt dead fireman (The Two Towers, released in 2002) now they have to add in an unnecessary pluralization? Its uncomfortable and it sticks out like the height and weight difference in face/off between Travolta and Cage. How did his wife not notice that her husband no longer had tits? Or grew half a foot? Or was gay? Or was somehow less talented despite being void of talent to begin with?

So then back to this shit and back to the most boring part of the movie which unfortunately involves the main character, Rudy and Gummy Bear capture a badly done CGI Monkey. Its the second movie now and they haven't made any attempt to give any back story other than they're short and they found a ring so now they're making up for it by giving me way too fucking much of it. CGI Monkey calls the ring precious and does so many times that it starts to make me ache for the boring scenes that aren't them. Anyways Gummy Bear trusts the CGI Monkey and Rudy doesn't. Rudy seems to be right based on the monkeys constant attempts at MURDERING THEM.

So the evil wizard guy who will be known as DraculaWizard is amassing an army of Worf's from Star Trek the Next Generation. And a big eye is overseeing it. The bad guy of these movies by the way is an eye. Kind of ....not intimidating. The worlds great evil is subject to demise from sand and cum shots. The evil ruler of the world could just be ignored and walked away from? Not having a physical form is a big mistake, with out there being an ultimate evil personified this movie really is just reduced to Worfs, pterodactyl riding ghost knights and CGI Monkey.

Ok so they're concentrating on the Girl Elf the Unfunny troll and Eastern Promises. They're running, which is good because Rudy and Gummy Bear are just walking and to be honest are kind of half assing it. Still running...I'm half expecting them to get to the ocean and turn around. So they run to the other ocean and turn around. When they got tired they slept. When they got hungry they ate. When they had to........you know.



They went.

I'm not even half way through this fucking shitpile.