Unconventional

Love and Other Drugs.

I happen to be in love with Anne Hathaway so I jumped at a chance to see her in a movie where she would get naked constantly. For those of you who saw Havoc you know how much a bad movie can benefit from Hathaway's tits. And this movie has way more Hathaway nudity, unfortunately the movie came with the same unwanted elements havoc did. A plot, other actors, and a stupid wardrobe Hathaway would spend in 25 of the 56 minutes she was on screen. Unlike Havoc however they got rid of the atrocious excuse to show slutty teenage girls with the cover of a coming of age insight on teenage subculture in the suburbs. Gone is that and in its place one of the more misunderstood beasts of modern cinema. A "smart adult comedy" with that though same old excuses to see a mid-20s something broad naked.

So if you watch the TV show House you know that the title character is the only interesting character and that doctors are really good looking. In House some girl who's name I will look up later (looked it up her name is Olivia Wilde) plays a character called 13. 13 has a disease and uses this an excuse to have no personality or depth or allow anyone close to them in the matter of the show and is reduced to reckless slutty behavior because she doesn't value much of her life because she wasn't permitted to have one.

this broad.


The writers use this excuse as an attention grabber and allow her to degenerate further and faster than other characters because they're lazy. Sound like a shallow boring character that you've seen a million times? Well make way because Anne Hathaway is about to play the same character in this fucking movie. To the point even where I think they have the same exact disease. At one point I'd expect her to be replaced in some scenes with stock footage from House.


So Anne is allowed to act unconventional and have an odd value system and the movie is allowed to not explain it because she is sick. Some would call it cheap or lazy but fuck it. Its happening and we sure as shit can't stop it. Anne's counterpart is Donnie Darko who's name I seriously can't remember but plays a shrewd self confident but approachable pharmaceutical rep who falls for Anne because she is....unconventional. Unconventional is really becoming my most hated trait. Right next to quirky and flippant. Because it really means "we got lazy and we are taking a shortcut to explain why the male lead values her over other identical female characters".

The story consists of Donnie trying to convince Anne to give him a real shot as a man in her life and not just a bang toy. One problem this movie had going for it is that it was billed as a smart comedy for adults. And I thought I would be in for one and really all it was was "She's All That" with tits and graphic fake fucking. I didn't catch the smart comedy part at all. It was a "give me a shot" "no give me a real shot" to "I know I fucked up but give me another shot" complete with...tits and fake fucking. Half way through the movie Donnie has intimacy problems to which Hathaway makes like 5 "your cock is soft" jokes over. I guess this is the adult part of the "smart adult comedy" because I'm not sure how her calling his dick limp really is all that challenging and intellectual. At some point the movie makes a push with comic relief with Donnie's roommate playing every Jonah Hill stereotype character that was pitched to him ever, he adds so little to the plot I wouldn't have remembered him if I didn't write down "not Jonah Hill". Now this is no knock on the actor. The kid in Zombieland did a good job and his instructions were pretty much "be the other kid from Superbad". I'd imagine this guy got the same yellow post it.

the entire movie is this convincing. the entire script and everything just......is frozen and posed and dull.


I'm not sure why this movie added such a long tail to itself. It was like watching a pigeon convince you it was a parrot. I know parrots. I mock them from time to time and this was no parrot. I think the creators of the story just wrote "smart adult comedy" on the wall and tried to back their way out of it. I'm not sure what happened but they had a strong cast between Darko and Hathaway and her perfect tits. They pretty much put a bowl of delicious Lucky Charms on a table along with cut up pineapple tidbits and expected everyone to delight in the combination. The glaring problem is though separately delightful combined the two items didn't work, or at least the jerk off who put them on a plate together didn't take the time to blend the two together with something delightful that would make the transition better, like....wow i picked two awful food items to start with. Nothing goes well with them. OK imagine I thought of a good metaphor with two food items that belong together but need a third to make them work together and forgetting that item makes the whole thing fucking silly. FUCK MY ASS LASAGNA!!!

Hathaway = meat
Darko = pasta
A good story line where they are actually likable characters that you want to see end up together instead of just have a 90 minute experience = cheese




But I think they just kind of assumed things would work out and the magic chemistry between the two would work out. The problem is other than being charming and looking like they're fake fucking I'm not sure that the two were ever in the same room together. Its like that Beatles album where they recorded their parts separately. If they wanted a good movie they shouldn't have started with the idea of "soft-core porn with a house subplot and when the audience needs a break from the fact these characters are doing nothing and not growing we will show them her tits". All in all you see Anne naked like 5-6 times, a smart twist for any movie. I can't think of a movie that wouldn't benefit from her pumping the rating to nc17, maybe Public Enemies, based solely on the fact that it'd make the movie longer.

I just realized I'm typing on my phone up to my face with my window shade open and when I move my phone I know a ghost is gonna be staring at me. I'm so fucking scared right now and for no reason.

she's so fun!

The writers suffered from Gilmore Girls disease too where the responses were too perfectly poignant and all anyone who wasn't Anne Hathaway did was pretty much lob her tennis ball set ups for her to mash with a metal bat 500 ft every time. It kills momentum of the script and after a while you begin to resent the girl you fell in love with. Not long into the movie Hathaway seems like an Oliver Twist character and less like a human, Hathatron's wit is too much, talking to her would be a fucking chore. Darko eventually gets back in her life after a Say Anything moment where he chases her bus(seriously a bus?) down and talks her into them for the 10th time. I'm not sure why we're supposed to believe in "this time" but I guess we are. I think true to character Anne is gonna run in 3 scenes all over again. He's already talked her out of running away like 10 times, what the fuck is the reason to fucking go on at this point?

I can't say enough about how attractive she is in this movie. At the end she cries about how she is dying and she doesn't wanna be a burden to anyone and she is legit beautiful and I hate to admit this but its actually quite meaningful. For her in the last 5 minutes to get me feel anything for a movie I sat through like it was a training film is really despicable. Its like the opposite of Law Abiding Citizen. In L.A.C. they take a good movie and in the final minutes throw it away almost on purpose. In this hunk of shit they spend the first 85 minutes trying on purpose to lose you and then in the final minutes they grab your heart and massage it with warmth and then put it back inside my skeptical miserable chest. It makes me think that if they really wrote a good script for her she completely different could've happened. I think she might be a great actress, she just seems to rather beat up easy scripts than be overwhelmed by difficult ones. In a perfect world we could switch Hathaway with Johansson. Anne could be in great movies where she is tested and integral. And Scarlet could play the same character a million times and still be able to be a celebrity.


oh shit i brought up scarlet so i get to do this