You look at the girls. Each one of them has brought something to the show. Snooki is a mess who got decked. Sammi though a fucking pylon in the first season has become the person we all laugh at. Angelina started all out wars in the house. Which is the most underrated part of any hose beast on a reality show. She started panic in the house and I'll always want her back for that. Plus she fucked and was a total slob. When you look at Jwow there is no shit stirring. The only thing she brings to the show is the weekly shot of her adjusting her tits in the mirror. Now it may seem like I can only knock Jwow for being boring but theres so much more. She carries just about all of the show's short comings on her tremendously hilarious to look at masculine shoulders.
One thing that Jwow does that's definitely a negative is she gets Snooki out of the house and goes to eat monster salads. This seclusion of Snooki kills things. It rarely leads to anything other than that letter to Sammi that everyone thought was fake. When you take Snooki away from Mike Paul and Vinnie it just means less time for the 4 most camera valuable people together. Addition by subtraction. Unlike her horrendous tits. Which was subtraction by addition. Its like when Metallica finally got rid of Burton via that staged bus accident and brought in Newstead and then "accidently" released their best album. ...And Justice For My Ears!
With new self aware Jwow she doesn't go out as much, she lays in her bed every other night now and just calls him and even 30 second excerpts of their discussions are so vapid and boring that I can't imagine what they're editing out. When she doesn't go out theres nothing to laugh at anymore. She's not shouting at people, she's not fighting anyone or a part of any nightly hijinx. She certainly isn't fucking anyone so I can laugh at how like Angelina and Snooki she will meet someone and advertise to the world that she fucks after meeting you in a club on a fucking TV show where MILLIONS of people watch. Jwow to me is the most self aware of herself next to Mikey, the difference is that Mikey plays it up and acts like a shithead so people will watch.
Another thing about Jwow is she's just embarrassing. She has horrendous fake tits. I have recently had an experience with fake tits, now this has no bearing on this post but I just wanted to brag about touching boobies.
two balls of dull horseshit. She also looks like DanziFUCK THERES A SPIDER ON MY LEG no its my phone charger...Danzig. oooooof.She talks about herself and her clothing line like anyone is interested. In the first episode of the new season she and Snooki were in a lingerie store and she holds something up and says "this is so my style I need this on my line". I fucking groaned at home. She sells herself constantly, she makes horrendous public appearances including fucking wrestling on SpikeTV. SpikeTV couldn't get any worse than it already was, so they grabbed the least compelling shore member.
this is in no way any more embarrassing than anything Angelina ever did on tvBut at least there she won a fight. Which is more than you can say about her at the house. Fucking girl sells herself as Chuck Lidell, and then in her one chance to drop bombs comes annnnnnd what happens? AT BEST a draw. Thats best case. I think she lost. My friend Vin insists it was a tie. But I don't see it. Fight started by Sammi, only clean shots landed? Sammi. Embarrassing post fight water bottle save face attempt but in reality announce yourself as the bitter loser? Jwow. It would be one thing to come on the show and sell yourself as Clubber Lang and then lose to Snooki, we all know she can take a punch. Maybe Angelina, Maybe. But Sammi? Sammi was really bad to lose to on top of things because the entire world pitied her for what was going on with Ronnie. When you lose to a victim you look like an even bigger loser.
Not sold yet? OK. Jwow smokes Newports. That in it of itself is unforgivable. She refuses to either be the joke or be a part of the joke consistently. So what the fuck are you then? You're on a white water raft refusing to fall off for the hilarity purpose or fucking paddle to move the raft along. If she was on Wild N Crazy Kids she'd be the timid to get wet/covered in whatever fluid is in the water balloons the kids are dropping and she is fucking costing the yellow team!
Another major problem is this show won't film for 2 months ever again. Thats a problem for the entire cast but it goes back to her. The kids all want 6 figures for 2 weeks now. So they have to take so much less time to make 10 episodes out of and there's just not enough content when people like Jwow do nothing for an entire season besides gets stomped on in a fight and then fake break up with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend by the way no one knows anything about. So its like a sitcom character breaking up with their extra/bit player spouse and expecting the audience to react. We don't know Jwow the girlfriend so who gives a shit if she is single or not. We know her as Jwow the hot mess who I'm supposed to look at and feel better about myself. Also i can't help but notice if Jwow and Snooki were combined they would be Amber from Teenage Moms.
The reunion was a miserable failure. If there is no fight it shouldn't be aired. I hate reunions mostly for the "stuff we didn't show" part. Which is ALWAYS filled with shit I would've rather seen than every 2nd and 5th episode of the season. "stuff we didn't show" is code for stuff we couldn't obviously edit into filling in one of our lacking episodes and it took place during one where we had too much going on. Copy pasting is always a show's friend but the producers obviously panicked last off season and added a firecracker shithead to the cast to make up for the loss of Angelina. The new broad by the way is also a friend of Snooki, they're trying so hard to separate Snooki from Jwow so fucking hard its like when HBK had to split with Jannety back in the early 90s. Snooki needs to throw Jwow through the barbershop window and go her own way. Except Jwow isn't Jannety, she's fucking Chyna with more questionable genitalia situation. She looks like an intimidating Bond Villain chief henchmen, in a Pierce Brosnan Bond movie by the way. Because she sucks and so does he. They should get married have kids and fucking suffocate them.
Jwow is the dude from Hurt Locker to Mtv's awesome-bomb. If the Jersey Shore was a Slip N' Slide or Crocodile Mile, Jwow would be the mom yelling from inside the house "THATS ENOUGH WATER" thanks mom. I guess theres such a thing as too much fun. Way to scale it back for me. Now I can't pretend I'm sliding into second base or diving into a foxhole to avoid the robot missile you piece of shit. Go fuck yourself and let me enjoy my made up world and stop drying up my fucking C-mile.
nope one more.
If Mtv had a great plan to sneak off some dinosaur dna inside a barbosal can to sell it off to Dodson when Hammond got cheap on them, Jwow would be the tropical storm killing your 15 minute window, the knocked over road sign, the waterfall and of course the Dilophosaurus waiting in Mtv's jeep for Mtv to get back in it and try the whole thing a 3rd time. And she is going to end up fucking killing them.
I can't imagine how many times they had to cut scenes just because one of her bullet-stopping implants whacked a cup across the room in turning or knocked the blender off the counter.
ReplyDeleteThey've probably gone through three blenders by now.
Vinnie is the closest thing the house has to someone the viewer can relate to, so his role isn't so much useless as invisible. His presence is like the green screen during the special effects: if he weren't there you might feel you were watching video feed from a Mars dust-storm or something.