Best Movie

Hugo Haven't seen it but it seems to me to be a tribute to the great old movies that everyone seems to have forgotten about and the wonder of losing yourself in the beauty of cinema, so I give it an F, for fuck this movie.


The Tree of Life HAHAHAHAHAHA

War Horse This will be the first of two movies where I think the director has just lost his fastball and is now being nominated based solely on name recognition, the difference being I think that Woody Allen deserves to be nominated on his name and Spielberg needs to take a nice long walk and think about his last few movies and the effect they've had on the world and wonder how long he has been an irrelevant boring old man who can't tell a story anymore. Spielberg directed some of my most favorite movies, and my most favorite movie, and over the last few years really has done nothing anyone should make it a point to see, and this Disney movie is no exception, its an animal movie with a war torn country side spin. It goes for the cheap emotional moves over and over and I mean if this movie was directed by the guy who did the Chronicle of Narnia movies I'm convinced it wouldn't even have been submitted to the academy for consideration.

The Help What a dreadful fucking movie. Its a new Driving Miss Daisy. I don't know, maybe I'm just a miserable bigot but I know when a movie is done well its great, and when its not it just feels like an after school special. I understand there is a plight and all but when you do a movie that relies on the struggle of the race to be the emotional and its just kind of doing what every other movie like it does, with no real exception. So yeah, its no worse than the worst of those movies, but its certainly not better than the best of them. I guess overwrought would be my word to describe this movie. Its Forrest Gump, its saccharine, its just whatever. This is the best movie made for moms and 14 year old girls ever.

Midnight in Paris
I love Woody Allen but if anyone else directed this movie no one would ever have nominated this movie, its no better than Weekend With Marilyn and honestly is just another bad later day Woody Allen movie, and it sucks to say it but whatever, I'm not one of those assholes who thinks he has to make another Manhattan for me to take him seriously but this is the discussion for best picture and this movie does not belong here. Owen Wilson has been slammed by everyone for his job in this movie and no one else makes up for him.

Moneyball I didn't enjoy any other nominated movie like I did Moneyball. I guess I'm just holding it back because it was a baseball movie about 2 characters with out any real conflict and the transition happened in the first 7 minutes of the movie, it was basically like if Ghostbusters started and before the credits ended they had a firehouse and particle accelerators. And there was nothing to wait for really, I guess I'm just scaling it back because I know it wasn't the best movie, and I just absolutely love Brad Pitt and baseball and the book by Michael Lewis on which this is based on.

The Artist I liked this movie a lot, and I remember watching it and thinking, there is no fucking way I'm going to let people call this movie overrated. Then it started to clean up award shows and people are calling it the front runner for the Oscar, and now I have to say it, slow down. It was a gorgeous movie, definitely deserves it for direction and cinematography. The move was an absolute joy to sit through. But it just was that, a great experience to sit through, I am hesitant to call it the best movie because it really wasn't. I don't think it was better than Moneyball or Extremly Loud & Incredibly Close, I just think in 5 years more people will remember this movie as important than those two.


Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close Yeah this movie was fucking sad. And not cheap sad like Warhorse, I don't know what Sandra Bullock and this kid did wrong to not get nominations, the movie was basically spent on their shoulders after Hanks left in the beginning and scarce flashbacks through out. I had no idea that Bullock could act, I thought she was marginal in The Blind Side, and I would clearly say this role is significantly better. She dies in this movie but stays on screen alive after her husband is killed, I actually see the grief in her that I see in people I know personally who have had spouses die. The movie around her is terrific, the kid in this movie had the performance that I'm convinced would rocket him into fame like every other kid had after a role like this. This movie was what Pay it Forward thought it was going to be. I've read depth reviews from actual humans who understand movies and they say the cinematography and direction on this movie was not tremendous, but I mean, even if it was as bad as any George Lucas movie, I didn't notice it, but I don't notice that shit.

The Descendants I don't know, I do not believe in this pick like I thought I would when I ranked these over the last week. I just don't want to pick The Artist, and I know Moneyball won't win it was either this and I don't want to pick the movie I saw yesterday in Extremely Close. So yeah heres me pussying out and picking the movie I think had the best script. Can anyone explain to me how the other other maid from The Help got nominated over Clooney's daughter in this movie? I guess it wasn't hard to make this movie beautiful, you could frame a movie anywhere in Hawaii and get either the ocean, a mountain or a sunset and it would look gorgeous. Its like where they shot the movie Shane or The Ox-Bow incident. Just film somewhere gorgeous and people will think you did a tremendous job. I liked this movie a great deal, and the story was brilliant and no one in it did anything less than a very good job. I think Clooney deserves a serious look at for actor and I think Payne deserves the Oscar for screenplay and directing, but I have a loose grip on writing credits and none on directing, I can just figure out when the movie looks like piss, and this movie was the opposite. The directing Oscar should be his for no other reason than him being snubbed for About Schmidt and honestly for Sideways too. Both movies better than the movies that won it (Million Dollar Baby and Chicago)


Eventually I'm going to make my top 10, why did this movie win over these movies list, but I can just spoil it now, Forest Gump, Chicago, Crash, and Braveheart are all paper champs.

best fukken actor.

I'm doing best actor first just because I want to. Ladies on top! Actually I just want to post my love for Meryl Streep and it will take more than a day to write it. Again, Ascending order because I like to detract much more than praise.

Demian Bichir, A Better Life Ok if you are in a fantastic movie you pretty much get nominated, its clockwork. What I don't understand is...this movie was fair to luke warm. I guess this is just the nod to the Hispanic plight in America. And I guess like Crash and Slumdog Millionaire I'm supposed to be uproariously moved by it. Buuuuuuuuuuuut I wasn't. Its a good story about the struggle about. It basically was La Bamba without the fun music and if Richie was played by a 30 year old Edward James Olmos, and the hilariously over the top brother was played by 20 Mexicans with face tattoos.

Jean Dujardin, The Artist meh. I mean... I didn't even know he was really the "lead" for parts of the movie. I'm scared the Academy is going to go this way. He's certainly good in it and I love his mustache but he's just in 4th place for me. Which isn't a travesty. I guess this could be summed up with "yeah".

Brad Pitt, Moneyball Oh Brad. I am not a Brad Pitt detractor, not at all. I think he was great and Seven and Fight Club...jesus I am a 28 year old white man. Ok Ok I thought he was great in A River Runs Through it and Legends of the Fall...jesus I am a 28 year old white woman. Ok whatever, I find him charming in the Ocean's 11 12 13 movies and even in Mr and Mrs Smith, I hate his wife but I can compartmentalize that hate and send it elsewhere with no issue. I will see all of this man's work for the rest of my life and I've forgiven him for ruining Inglorious Basterds for me and I look forward to the movie he's making with the guy who directed Chopper. Having said all that, he does an impression... as a baseball fan I know Billy Beane very well, and its a great impression, but Billy Beane kind of...is Brad Pitt he just throws chairs. Brad is a great actor but he rolled out of bed and just fell into the perfect role. I loved him in this movie and I loved this movie. But it goes in the same category for me as Jamie Fox for Ray and Phillip Seymour Hoffman for Capote. A great impression, except unlike those two roles this guy was basically Brad Pitt anyways.

George Clooney, The Descendants Yeah I over the top swoon for George Clooney, and this is one of his best roles. I know I've said this 100 times so I'll address it here, yes, George Clooney is not stretching hard to play this role, its his normal voice no real accent or whatever but acting is not about convincing people you're of a different nationality otherwise people would consider Dominic Moore to be a good actor. And no one does.

Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy SO I didn't know that Oldman was doing shallow bit roles for the better half of the last decade because he took time off to be a full time dad. I love Oldman, probably the best actor alive, so yes, this is partially a lifetime award from me and yes I'm a miserable uncreative failure for doing so. Oldman played the most complex character and got the most from him. He wins.

Best supporting Actor

No idea why men are put in front of women, I'm a chauvinist pig and I can even admit acting takes just as much from both people and that the best performer of my lifetime is Meryl Streep.


Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn Yeah. I don't entirely get this one. I think that the acting in this movie was so strong that someone else had to be nominated. He was good I guess, not entirely sure if he was played by someone else that...wait this guy isn't even her romantic interest? The older guy in the movie? I thought this guy for some reason was Eddie Redmayne, the fuck is this? Jesus this is a fucking stretch. Is this a lifetime achievement nominee for his role as "Britishy guy"?

Max Von Sydow, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Yeah I don't know, it was sad and all and I wish it didn't happen but...what are we doing here? Tom Hanks was beyond tremendous for all his fleet time and the kid in the movie was tremendous and he deserves the credit Haley Joel Osmit got and didn't deserve from all the years ago. John Goodman was great for his 40 seconds on film as usual and will probably die as the most unrecognized great actor of all time. I typed all that without mentioning Max Von Sydow because...he was just in this movie and I really have no idea why he was nominated over anyone else in it. It was everyone else's movie at one time or another. He deserves as much credit as the old neighbor guy does in Home Alone. I understand his role in the movie is "support" but really he was kind of just...there. I guess he should win an award for guy who reminds me most of Magneto without the powers. I'm not even sure the trailer should say "starring Max Von German" it should say "also with" or "featuring a timely appearance by"

Jonah Hill, Moneyball I will not be making a Jonah Hill fat to skinny post here, so you're welcome. So... Lucky Charms Jonah Hill has my favorite role in this sect of nominees but I honestly can't give it to him. One because I don't want to see Special K Jonah Hill walk across the stage with his lollipop body. And two, he didn't really act. He kind of was just Jonah Hill except with more dryer humor and sincerity with out the one-liners, that I completely loved. I like Jonah Hill. I think he is a good actor. But to say he transformed or delivered this movie in any way different he did anything that was in Cyrus or even Funny People (two movies I really liked) is a stretch. He basically should get credit for his dynamics the way Steven Segal gets credit for his. Steven Segal by the way now is completely out of breath in all his movies, he is winded from just walking and talking, or the production is so low they don't mic him or the scene properly, I shouldn't hear an actor breathe in during an establishing shot. Also all he does now is just take on hordes of unarmed men with karate chops to their necks. Pull the fucking trigger you piss henchmen.

Nick Nolte, Warrior
I thought this was a disney movie, when people took the fighter so seriously last year I saw the preview for this and wanted to eat the floor. But I have to say this was the most surprising movie I saw this year and to me the fulcrum of the movie was Nick Nolte. He was completely believable to the point where I forgot I was watching a movie with Nick Nolte, and to me out of everyone nominated he was the most recognizable. I didn't really fall in love with this movie, but I did Nolte. I hated the idea of this movie(veteran turns underdog mma fighter vs surprise his brother another underdog) and I ended up enjoying it. in my life had this movie come out in 2011 or 2009 I'd say he deserves to win it.

but...
Christopher Plummer, Beginners Ok now I really liked this movie. It was a clever movie about a man dealing with his father coming out of the closet to him and that reminds me of...every other movie like this. However unlike those movies this one also had an element of mortality because the father was dying. So it also was like every movie like that. So it was a clever hybrid movie and Christopher Plummer somehow was as good if not better than Ewan McGregor(lead)a man I consider to be a fine actor. It was a very enjoyable movie and in all honesty Plummer was my favorite part of this movie. McGregor by the way could be Hollywoods most forgotten gem, no idea why he fell out of the top tier of actors in the world. He's been great in just about everything he has been in and I swear if this is because of the fucking Star Wars shit movies I will cry blood. However reading his bio on IMDB him being ranked #36 in Empire (UK) magazine's "The Top 100 Movie Stars of All Time" is a bit over the top. Even for me. And I agree completely with this.