No idea why men are put in front of women, I'm a chauvinist pig and I can even admit acting takes just as much from both people and that the best performer of my lifetime is Meryl Streep.
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn Yeah. I don't entirely get this one. I think that the acting in this movie was so strong that someone else had to be nominated. He was good I guess, not entirely sure if he was played by someone else that...wait this guy isn't even her romantic interest? The older guy in the movie? I thought this guy for some reason was Eddie Redmayne, the fuck is this? Jesus this is a fucking stretch. Is this a lifetime achievement nominee for his role as "Britishy guy"?
Max Von Sydow, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Yeah I don't know, it was sad and all and I wish it didn't happen but...what are we doing here? Tom Hanks was beyond tremendous for all his fleet time and the kid in the movie was tremendous and he deserves the credit Haley Joel Osmit got and didn't deserve from all the years ago. John Goodman was great for his 40 seconds on film as usual and will probably die as the most unrecognized great actor of all time. I typed all that without mentioning Max Von Sydow because...he was just in this movie and I really have no idea why he was nominated over anyone else in it. It was everyone else's movie at one time or another. He deserves as much credit as the old neighbor guy does in Home Alone. I understand his role in the movie is "support" but really he was kind of just...there. I guess he should win an award for guy who reminds me most of Magneto without the powers. I'm not even sure the trailer should say "starring Max Von German" it should say "also with" or "featuring a timely appearance by"
Jonah Hill, Moneyball I will not be making a Jonah Hill fat to skinny post here, so you're welcome. So... Lucky Charms Jonah Hill has my favorite role in this sect of nominees but I honestly can't give it to him. One because I don't want to see Special K Jonah Hill walk across the stage with his lollipop body. And two, he didn't really act. He kind of was just Jonah Hill except with more dryer humor and sincerity with out the one-liners, that I completely loved. I like Jonah Hill. I think he is a good actor. But to say he transformed or delivered this movie in any way different he did anything that was in Cyrus or even Funny People (two movies I really liked) is a stretch. He basically should get credit for his dynamics the way Steven Segal gets credit for his. Steven Segal by the way now is completely out of breath in all his movies, he is winded from just walking and talking, or the production is so low they don't mic him or the scene properly, I shouldn't hear an actor breathe in during an establishing shot. Also all he does now is just take on hordes of unarmed men with karate chops to their necks. Pull the fucking trigger you piss henchmen.
Nick Nolte, Warrior
I thought this was a disney movie, when people took the fighter so seriously last year I saw the preview for this and wanted to eat the floor. But I have to say this was the most surprising movie I saw this year and to me the fulcrum of the movie was Nick Nolte. He was completely believable to the point where I forgot I was watching a movie with Nick Nolte, and to me out of everyone nominated he was the most recognizable. I didn't really fall in love with this movie, but I did Nolte. I hated the idea of this movie(veteran turns underdog mma fighter vs surprise his brother another underdog) and I ended up enjoying it. in my life had this movie come out in 2011 or 2009 I'd say he deserves to win it.
but...
Christopher Plummer, Beginners Ok now I really liked this movie. It was a clever movie about a man dealing with his father coming out of the closet to him and that reminds me of...every other movie like this. However unlike those movies this one also had an element of mortality because the father was dying. So it also was like every movie like that. So it was a clever hybrid movie and Christopher Plummer somehow was as good if not better than Ewan McGregor(lead)a man I consider to be a fine actor. It was a very enjoyable movie and in all honesty Plummer was my favorite part of this movie. McGregor by the way could be Hollywoods most forgotten gem, no idea why he fell out of the top tier of actors in the world. He's been great in just about everything he has been in and I swear if this is because of the fucking Star Wars shit movies I will cry blood. However reading his bio on IMDB him being ranked #36 in Empire (UK) magazine's "The Top 100 Movie Stars of All Time" is a bit over the top. Even for me. And I agree completely with this.
rantings of a person who has no reason to be as sure of himself as he is.
Showing posts with label X-men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label X-men. Show all posts
Friday, February 24, 2012
Monday, June 6, 2011
x-meh
a real quick one because its agonizing when the two longer column opinion thingies whatevers I've written in the last 2 weeks have been about comic book movies but I saw the new X-men movie and it was definitely a movie. Anyways they had a cameo of Wolverine in the movie and he tells Charles and Eric to "go fuck yourselves" and I was in the theater enjoying the movie when I thought to myself:
Why is wolverine allowed to be wolverine in this movie and Hugh Jackman in others? He is horrendous in the Wolverine movie and then in this movie in 8 seconds they actually get the character that Wolverine should be and would be if Hugh Jackman wasn't producing the movies. Hugh got the rights to make the movie and just made a sappy bad convoluted movie with random characters in a slapdash story line where like in every movie with a huge let down of a failure, the voiceless nemesis of the entire movie was introduced 20 seconds before the final confusing fight scene, after a bad twist that came 10 minutes after another bad twist.
When you make a movie building up on a villain and a dead wife murdered and in the final 10 minutes of the movie you reveal that the wife wasn't dead and the murderer of the wife really was a good guy just before a big fight with laser beam eyed ninjas you have successfully fucked a movie up in such a silly way that i assume that instead of cum you had to have shot fish heads out of a dick wearing pilot goggles.
A big mistake I made was I forgot that Hugh Jackman COULD play Wolverine, He just hasn't gotten the chance. Part his fault, part FOX, part the over praised Bryan Singer, part writers, part a million other things NO ONE including me should give a shit about. My lack of seeing movies like The Fountain and The Prestige allowed me to forget that Hugh Jackman is a good actor and I can't believe it based on only seeing him in the X-men movies, and of course...Swordfish. A movie that was so gay that it will be in the next real world cast saying "picked to live in a houthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".
As for the movie.
If you're like me and you loved the first class comics well throw that all away, and any Xmen knowledge, or any reference in the first 3 movies where Xavier says Scott and Jean were his first students. But unlike other fanmen I'm not upset about it, its a movie, if I wanted the comic I'd read the comic.
It was a really good cast aside from January Jones outside of her tits. It was ok, and widescreen, I suggest sitting in the back, I don't know who shot this fucking thing but he got every inch out of the screen. Fuck it. January Jones keeps the streak alive of Mad Men characters completely sucking in movie roles. I realize saying January Jones wasn't a good actress in _______ is about as shocking as Hugh Jackman liking dry humping and rubbing 5 o'clock shadows.
But between Sterling, Jones and Draper these guys are becoming the ER and NYPD blue of the 2010s. When it comes to striking out in big screen roles. I hold judgement for Christina Hendricks because I feel like she's good enough of an actress where she can suspend the audience's belief in any sort of a storyliAHHAHAHAHAHA TITS.
nice dress dick
Why is wolverine allowed to be wolverine in this movie and Hugh Jackman in others? He is horrendous in the Wolverine movie and then in this movie in 8 seconds they actually get the character that Wolverine should be and would be if Hugh Jackman wasn't producing the movies. Hugh got the rights to make the movie and just made a sappy bad convoluted movie with random characters in a slapdash story line where like in every movie with a huge let down of a failure, the voiceless nemesis of the entire movie was introduced 20 seconds before the final confusing fight scene, after a bad twist that came 10 minutes after another bad twist.
When you make a movie building up on a villain and a dead wife murdered and in the final 10 minutes of the movie you reveal that the wife wasn't dead and the murderer of the wife really was a good guy just before a big fight with laser beam eyed ninjas you have successfully fucked a movie up in such a silly way that i assume that instead of cum you had to have shot fish heads out of a dick wearing pilot goggles.
A big mistake I made was I forgot that Hugh Jackman COULD play Wolverine, He just hasn't gotten the chance. Part his fault, part FOX, part the over praised Bryan Singer, part writers, part a million other things NO ONE including me should give a shit about. My lack of seeing movies like The Fountain and The Prestige allowed me to forget that Hugh Jackman is a good actor and I can't believe it based on only seeing him in the X-men movies, and of course...Swordfish. A movie that was so gay that it will be in the next real world cast saying "picked to live in a houthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".
As for the movie.
If you're like me and you loved the first class comics well throw that all away, and any Xmen knowledge, or any reference in the first 3 movies where Xavier says Scott and Jean were his first students. But unlike other fanmen I'm not upset about it, its a movie, if I wanted the comic I'd read the comic.
It was a really good cast aside from January Jones outside of her tits. It was ok, and widescreen, I suggest sitting in the back, I don't know who shot this fucking thing but he got every inch out of the screen. Fuck it. January Jones keeps the streak alive of Mad Men characters completely sucking in movie roles. I realize saying January Jones wasn't a good actress in _______ is about as shocking as Hugh Jackman liking dry humping and rubbing 5 o'clock shadows.
But between Sterling, Jones and Draper these guys are becoming the ER and NYPD blue of the 2010s. When it comes to striking out in big screen roles. I hold judgement for Christina Hendricks because I feel like she's good enough of an actress where she can suspend the audience's belief in any sort of a storyliAHHAHAHAHAHA TITS.
nice dress dick
Saturday, February 5, 2011
not you jason, not you
Now I know the point of this blog is to run attractive women down and knock movies everyone knows is good just to be an asshole. But I am reviewing a new movie as a favor to you to treat this movie like a jacket made of cobras and stay away.
When you agree to see a movie with Jason Statham you're kind of surrendering your right to complain about the story and the acting but that's not where I'm going.
But while I'm here.
I've always kind of thought hitman movies were stupid. How am I supposed to like a character who murders people for money? He's a fucking parasite on humanity and I'm supposed to be sad when he's sad? Its a harder road block to get by then the fact that all the girls in The Craft were supposed to be high school seniors are all in their mid to late 30s.
Also where the fuck is Neve Campbell now? And did she ever have the nickname soup?
So you meet a hitman, with literally no past. You don't know where he came from, why he has an English accent in an unnamed southern state with jazz clubs. A hitman who kills someone you have no idea if they did anything wrong in the first place OTHER than he wronged a guy with enough money and connections to be killed. So people use the term "character you don't care about" a lot but in this case it really does matter. For my next run on sentence that goes nowhere I'd like to bring up the xmen, thank you in advance for your patience. Jason, Jason has a CIA contact and a liaison between him and the contact. The Liaison is Donald Sutherland who at this point is right next to De Niro and Michael Cain as actors who used to be great who will now jerk a horse off on film for the paycheck. Liaison has a past with Statham, non any writer is willing to let you in on, apparently the cohesion of this movie is a private party between the writers and editors. So the one relationship they establish is between Statham and Sutherland, and let me tell you when they are on screen together its like seeing Brando and Pacino together, the force of the moment is captivating. Its really thrilling to see these two be supposed life long friends and yet have the mannerisms and conversation pace like they met each other 8 minutes before the filming.
So CIA contact calls Statham and tells him his life long friend(maybe who knows) is on the take and is jeopardizing missions or whatever and after Statham puts up a vehement and directed 40 second argument defending what is supposed to be his best friend's life he reluctantly agrees to kill him.
So heres how the x-men fits in. Imagine you meet Cyclops, and in the first 8 boxes Cyclops kills someone for money. Then you find out that Cyclops' mentor is Professor X. Enter Magneto, Magneto tells Cyclops, hey your best friend and mentor Charles is a dick and taking money, so you have to kill him, so Cyclops kills him. Cyclops blasts Professor X into being dead and now you are left in a story where you're supposed to like Cyclops. And the analogy is perfect because like Professor X in this movie Donald Liaison Sutherland is in a fucking wheelchair and Statham shoots him in the chest and fucking leaves him in a garage to fucking rot.
So thats all the set up. Statham kills his mentor in the opening of the movie because he was offered money to do it by a guy he has virtually no relationship to and that is your hero of this movie, a murderer of a handicapped man for money.
Enter Ben Foster. Ben plays Sutherlands misbegotten bastardized ne'erdowell of a kid. BF asks Statham to take him under his wing much like his father did. So after a convincing 20 seconds of rejection Statham agrees to do so and training begins. They murder people and who gives a shit about it.
A startlingly hilarious turn of events however is when Statham has Foster murder another hitman who just so happens to live in the same town as Statham. What are the odds? So anyways in no shock CIA/Magneto turns out to be not a credible success and Statham realizes that he killed Sutherland for no reason and Sutherland was a square guy all along. What is upsetting however is he figures it out when he sees a hitman he believes to be dead due to Sutherland's misdoings alive...at the bus station... in the same town that Statham lives in. Again what are the odds? What are the odds 3 international high profile professional fucking killers all live in the same fucking town. Its kind of insulting to write this out so simply.
To sum up the story Foster eventually learns that Statham killed his father and in a nice revenge subplot to the movie after Statham gets revenge on the CIA contact Foster.......is murdered after trying to exact revenge for his father's death. You think the movie is going to be satisfying in any way and it ends like it was a real movie. It has a No Country for Old Men ending in a fucking Jason Statham fuckpile of a movie. The whole movie goes nowhere and in the process doesn't include any sort of jumping roundhouse kicks.
you expect this
and get this
The reason I am doing this is because when you see a Statham movie you throw expectations of a good cohesive easy to follow story with character depth and wither a moral/statement or a movie that challenges you as a viewer. And in exchange for your sense of worth you get..............cool things. Ax fights, car chases, guys being killed by ladders, dudes kicking fire hoses into peoples faces. TITS! And so on. Other than tits none of that happened. I accidentally saw a really bad Nicolas Cage/Casper Van Dien movie(and thats the level cage is at now) thinking I was going to see a Jason Statham movie. The mechanic is a deal breaker with Statham. We worked something out and now he's thrown a wrench into the gears. This movie threw out the story which is to be expected. But then it did something I didn't see coming. It decided to not be exciting either. Which to me is the shocker.
So you watch a movie with no real gun fights or standoffs no characters you care about. And that's just not something people say. You literally learn nothing about Statham in this movie. He has no past you don't know where he came from or his family or training....anything. Its actually pretty amazing. You learn more about the kid who shot Omar than you do Statham. You learn more about the aliens in War of the Worlds. You learn more about Zed in Pulp Fiction.
So there it is. A stranger you don't know or care about kills a man in a wheelchair, later cons his son into killing some people including a man who's family you meet and then kills the son. Fuck your feelings. I started like 5 paragraphs with "so"
When you agree to see a movie with Jason Statham you're kind of surrendering your right to complain about the story and the acting but that's not where I'm going.
But while I'm here.
I've always kind of thought hitman movies were stupid. How am I supposed to like a character who murders people for money? He's a fucking parasite on humanity and I'm supposed to be sad when he's sad? Its a harder road block to get by then the fact that all the girls in The Craft were supposed to be high school seniors are all in their mid to late 30s.
Also where the fuck is Neve Campbell now? And did she ever have the nickname soup?
So you meet a hitman, with literally no past. You don't know where he came from, why he has an English accent in an unnamed southern state with jazz clubs. A hitman who kills someone you have no idea if they did anything wrong in the first place OTHER than he wronged a guy with enough money and connections to be killed. So people use the term "character you don't care about" a lot but in this case it really does matter. For my next run on sentence that goes nowhere I'd like to bring up the xmen, thank you in advance for your patience. Jason, Jason has a CIA contact and a liaison between him and the contact. The Liaison is Donald Sutherland who at this point is right next to De Niro and Michael Cain as actors who used to be great who will now jerk a horse off on film for the paycheck. Liaison has a past with Statham, non any writer is willing to let you in on, apparently the cohesion of this movie is a private party between the writers and editors. So the one relationship they establish is between Statham and Sutherland, and let me tell you when they are on screen together its like seeing Brando and Pacino together, the force of the moment is captivating. Its really thrilling to see these two be supposed life long friends and yet have the mannerisms and conversation pace like they met each other 8 minutes before the filming.
So CIA contact calls Statham and tells him his life long friend(maybe who knows) is on the take and is jeopardizing missions or whatever and after Statham puts up a vehement and directed 40 second argument defending what is supposed to be his best friend's life he reluctantly agrees to kill him.
So heres how the x-men fits in. Imagine you meet Cyclops, and in the first 8 boxes Cyclops kills someone for money. Then you find out that Cyclops' mentor is Professor X. Enter Magneto, Magneto tells Cyclops, hey your best friend and mentor Charles is a dick and taking money, so you have to kill him, so Cyclops kills him. Cyclops blasts Professor X into being dead and now you are left in a story where you're supposed to like Cyclops. And the analogy is perfect because like Professor X in this movie Donald Liaison Sutherland is in a fucking wheelchair and Statham shoots him in the chest and fucking leaves him in a garage to fucking rot.
So thats all the set up. Statham kills his mentor in the opening of the movie because he was offered money to do it by a guy he has virtually no relationship to and that is your hero of this movie, a murderer of a handicapped man for money.
Enter Ben Foster. Ben plays Sutherlands misbegotten bastardized ne'erdowell of a kid. BF asks Statham to take him under his wing much like his father did. So after a convincing 20 seconds of rejection Statham agrees to do so and training begins. They murder people and who gives a shit about it.
A startlingly hilarious turn of events however is when Statham has Foster murder another hitman who just so happens to live in the same town as Statham. What are the odds? So anyways in no shock CIA/Magneto turns out to be not a credible success and Statham realizes that he killed Sutherland for no reason and Sutherland was a square guy all along. What is upsetting however is he figures it out when he sees a hitman he believes to be dead due to Sutherland's misdoings alive...at the bus station... in the same town that Statham lives in. Again what are the odds? What are the odds 3 international high profile professional fucking killers all live in the same fucking town. Its kind of insulting to write this out so simply.
To sum up the story Foster eventually learns that Statham killed his father and in a nice revenge subplot to the movie after Statham gets revenge on the CIA contact Foster.......is murdered after trying to exact revenge for his father's death. You think the movie is going to be satisfying in any way and it ends like it was a real movie. It has a No Country for Old Men ending in a fucking Jason Statham fuckpile of a movie. The whole movie goes nowhere and in the process doesn't include any sort of jumping roundhouse kicks.
you expect this
and get thisThe reason I am doing this is because when you see a Statham movie you throw expectations of a good cohesive easy to follow story with character depth and wither a moral/statement or a movie that challenges you as a viewer. And in exchange for your sense of worth you get..............cool things. Ax fights, car chases, guys being killed by ladders, dudes kicking fire hoses into peoples faces. TITS! And so on. Other than tits none of that happened. I accidentally saw a really bad Nicolas Cage/Casper Van Dien movie(and thats the level cage is at now) thinking I was going to see a Jason Statham movie. The mechanic is a deal breaker with Statham. We worked something out and now he's thrown a wrench into the gears. This movie threw out the story which is to be expected. But then it did something I didn't see coming. It decided to not be exciting either. Which to me is the shocker.
So you watch a movie with no real gun fights or standoffs no characters you care about. And that's just not something people say. You literally learn nothing about Statham in this movie. He has no past you don't know where he came from or his family or training....anything. Its actually pretty amazing. You learn more about the kid who shot Omar than you do Statham. You learn more about the aliens in War of the Worlds. You learn more about Zed in Pulp Fiction.
So there it is. A stranger you don't know or care about kills a man in a wheelchair, later cons his son into killing some people including a man who's family you meet and then kills the son. Fuck your feelings. I started like 5 paragraphs with "so"
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