best fukken actor.

I'm doing best actor first just because I want to. Ladies on top! Actually I just want to post my love for Meryl Streep and it will take more than a day to write it. Again, Ascending order because I like to detract much more than praise.

Demian Bichir, A Better Life Ok if you are in a fantastic movie you pretty much get nominated, its clockwork. What I don't understand is...this movie was fair to luke warm. I guess this is just the nod to the Hispanic plight in America. And I guess like Crash and Slumdog Millionaire I'm supposed to be uproariously moved by it. Buuuuuuuuuuuut I wasn't. Its a good story about the struggle about. It basically was La Bamba without the fun music and if Richie was played by a 30 year old Edward James Olmos, and the hilariously over the top brother was played by 20 Mexicans with face tattoos.

Jean Dujardin, The Artist meh. I mean... I didn't even know he was really the "lead" for parts of the movie. I'm scared the Academy is going to go this way. He's certainly good in it and I love his mustache but he's just in 4th place for me. Which isn't a travesty. I guess this could be summed up with "yeah".

Brad Pitt, Moneyball Oh Brad. I am not a Brad Pitt detractor, not at all. I think he was great and Seven and Fight Club...jesus I am a 28 year old white man. Ok Ok I thought he was great in A River Runs Through it and Legends of the Fall...jesus I am a 28 year old white woman. Ok whatever, I find him charming in the Ocean's 11 12 13 movies and even in Mr and Mrs Smith, I hate his wife but I can compartmentalize that hate and send it elsewhere with no issue. I will see all of this man's work for the rest of my life and I've forgiven him for ruining Inglorious Basterds for me and I look forward to the movie he's making with the guy who directed Chopper. Having said all that, he does an impression... as a baseball fan I know Billy Beane very well, and its a great impression, but Billy Beane kind of...is Brad Pitt he just throws chairs. Brad is a great actor but he rolled out of bed and just fell into the perfect role. I loved him in this movie and I loved this movie. But it goes in the same category for me as Jamie Fox for Ray and Phillip Seymour Hoffman for Capote. A great impression, except unlike those two roles this guy was basically Brad Pitt anyways.

George Clooney, The Descendants Yeah I over the top swoon for George Clooney, and this is one of his best roles. I know I've said this 100 times so I'll address it here, yes, George Clooney is not stretching hard to play this role, its his normal voice no real accent or whatever but acting is not about convincing people you're of a different nationality otherwise people would consider Dominic Moore to be a good actor. And no one does.

Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy SO I didn't know that Oldman was doing shallow bit roles for the better half of the last decade because he took time off to be a full time dad. I love Oldman, probably the best actor alive, so yes, this is partially a lifetime award from me and yes I'm a miserable uncreative failure for doing so. Oldman played the most complex character and got the most from him. He wins.

Yul Brynner and horses.

I honestly can't stop thinking about Yul Brynner's brow line. ever see someone who was just made to play a villain? how was he ever a hero in Magnificent Seven and Westworld. He was so good as the heel in The Ten Commandments. Also his torso was incredibly large but not totally out of shape. Its an old gag to do the 1950s and 60s actors were in horrible half shape in every movie but were still sold as in shape. But there is just something so captivating about his torso. Jesus.


such a casual pose for a fucking pharaoh.

look at his brow, throw patrick stewart in the fucking trash.

before you make a joke this is the most hetero pose a russian man has ever made

Brenner is so overlooked by my generation, he's like a horse. We owe so much to the horse, as a society and planet. The infrastructure the travel, the shortening of the world, the exploration, the lives saved, the fucking world would never have happened since horses. and since we got cars we invest nothing in them but to rape their genetics so people who own tobacco companies can race them. Horses built society and we still can't figure out how to have them survive a broken leg or really exist without nailing fucking metal to their feet. Mankind is Jennifer Love Hewitt in Can't Hardly Wait with out the realization and horses are...that other guy who wasn't Mike Dexter.

Yul Brynner was a horse and now people tell me that Brad Pitt is a ferarri. Well excuse me but I'd rather ride a horsNO YOU'RE GAY

also how fucking racist was hollywood where a russian was playing an oriental and an egyptian in a single fucking year? Thats almost as impressive as Ava Divine appearing in both asian and latin pornos.

fuck pile

I can safely say with out a hint of irony that Tree of Life was in NO way better than Fast and The Furious Five.


Can I sue Terrence Malick for having Penn and Pitt in the same movie and creating a pile of fucking rubbish? Fucking guy is from Illinois and directs movies like he's from a Teutonic country.

Discovery Channel NON-PLANET LIFE documentaries have much higher quality cinematography and settings, when the movie is billed as awe inspiring and a visual treat it has to at least be significantly better than a youtube video.

I mean The New World was such a brick that I'm shocked they let this guy direct a fucking Geico commercial let alone a major motion picture with elite talent. Who has the money to put up for this horse shit? Who was pitched "we wanna show a movie of slow landscape pans complete with Sean Penn whispering in the background incoherence about his mother"

The fact this movie is getting positive reviews just shows how desperate people are to not just see a typical movie, the problem is this is untypical in the way its untypical to get syrup inside your urethra. Its odd, rarely happens, doesn't mean when it happens it should be celebrated.

I will say Sean Penn was great in this movie in a role where he maybe said 4 minutes of actual dialogue. He's such a good actor that I'm surprised that when he met Scarlet Johansson that the world didn't bend from two polar opposites of the spectrum meeting each other. It was like bleach being poured into crude oil. I'm not sure what the fuck happened but I know it was unpalatable.



I can honestly say the trailer really only shows passing glimpses at the characters with no explanation of their actions and no dialogue of consequence or any real description of plot or even any spoken words and it basically gives the entire movie away. This movie may set the all time record for frolicking.

Brad Pitt is on such a fucking cold streak I'm starting to wonder if he was even a good actor to begin with or just handsome and competent enough for me to watch his movies accordingly. 127 hours was a far better visual movie and it wasn't billed strictly as one. The Fountain is another movie that was untypical and had a lot of non-spoken emotions and visualizations and at no point while watching it did I fucking pull out my phone to look at box scores of baseball games I didn't care about.

I texted my boss to ask him "whats up?" during this movie.

Terrence Malick my balls.

so pitted.

To Die Another Day is on cable. Its fucking disgusting. Brosnan and Halle Berry have the on screen chemistry of two cardboard boxes stacked at a offsetting angles in a musky warehouse. Alas, rather than hammer a shit movie into the ground I'd rather knock a good one.

Brad Pitts acting in Inglorious Basterds missed tongue and cheek campy and just went on to distracting and poor. I can't believe Eli Roth was better at making the jewbear who yelled out about "Teddy Ball Game" and "Fenway Fucken Pahhhhk" seem more believable than Pitt did with a hardened army platoon leader. Pitt's been such a great actor in the past too that this came as a real surprise. I think he has at least, maybe he hasn't, I don't know. Just about everybody in this fuck movie out does Pitt, people I never heard of or saw before make Pitt look like an overdone asshole. The fucking shit from The American Office shines next to him, its not even fair to bring up "The Jew Hunter" in comparison but for fuck sakes the german actress lady and the british agent blow Pitt out of the water. It gets to the point where you begin to resent Tarantino for letting it go on. But then I noticed that in parts it becomes less overbearing and awful.

The first scene when he says he would like to get his nat-zee scalps is fucking piss poor. Its Pierce Brosnan bad, if not worse. It crushes the movie at parts. It just undoes your ability to fall into a movie like in any part of the movie like when a phone number has 555 in it or when a movie has a voice over which is another outdated lazy way of making a movie. If you can't articulate through scenes what you're trying to convey then just fucking don't make movies. However later in the movie the whole act kind of gets watered down a little, I like to think Tarantino had a talk with Pitt. Much like the one he had to have with Travolta, except he asked Pitt to stop sucking on film and HERE COMES A GAY JOKE ABOUT TRAVOLTA. I know movies are seldom filmed chronologically but it seems like the longer the movie went the less and less the accent and diction was a problem.

I realize no one else may share my views on things but its so fucking distracting when you try to accept another reality and someone does something to remind you that you're just looking at light and sound. Brad Pitt kept knocking me out of being able to suspend belief. Now it seems like I'm knocking Pitt but I never watch Daniel Day Lewis movies and go "dude thats fucken ddl" when he's acting. Every time Pitt talked it seemed like I was saying "heres brad again being a dick". When I watched scary movies as a kid my cousin told me "its only a movie they're actors I never get scared" and I wondered what the fuck is the point of watching movies then? If you can defeat the whole point of immersion than why bother watching anything in the fuck first place?! I always thought the whole point of a movie was to get into the idea of a story taking place and you were looking in on it. When you just think "I'm looking at actors doing their job" to me its just worthless. Its almost as unfortunate as Heather Graham's career after she thought that she didn't have to show her tits anymore.

And to answer your question YES I decided to attack Pitt based on his relationship with Clydesdale Jolie. And to answer your other question Swordfish is openly celebrating the repeal on don't ask don't tell. This will make like 8 posts in a row with the Swordfish tag.

Speaking of out of control flying homosexuality.

For those of you who didn't see this Hugh Jackman got hurt while ziplining in to Oprah.

What it doesn't say in this report is that the professionals who set up the rig weren't to blame for the lack of brakes but it was a cruel joke by one of them for saying "theres a big dick at the bottom" Jackman was worked up into a froth and went recklessly down the zipline with no caution in what Oprah producers referred to as "cock fever".

yes i could have worded all that better but its like 2 and i'm fucking spent