Rape is such a horrible occurrence yet its a part of all our lives. I've had family members raped and there's a friend of the family who actually went to jail for it, when i found that out it undoubtedly and deserving leaves a stigma to the guy. My dad believes the man to be innocent of the crime but yet still doesn't trust him. 9/10ts of the girls that have the misfortune of fucking me have had rape fantasies. Which I'm just flat out not willing to participate in. For starters all women are headcases and any woman willing to fuck me should be hospitalized. So the idea that I'm gonna supposedly rough a girl up and take her and leave dna yields to a trust level that I'd just never attain with a girl of that ilk. Now if someday my wife is into it maybe but even then I'd still demand it written out that she won't press charges. I'm sure those will stand up in court. Anyways lets just dive right into it with a suggestion from my friend.
Jack the narrator: so two things here. I'm not gonna keep typing the narrator his name is Jack for fucks sake and secondly I'm gonna take a quick shot at Palahnuik fans and I'll say this. The screen adapters and Fincher did more to help understand Jack and Tyler more than the book could. With out the ability to give you the written word. Ok so this is harder. Unlike Rambo, Mad Max and others jack didn't really have a bad background. I don't care how you spin it having a boring job is not an excuse for sexual assault. Chuck was lazy and wrote what I assume is Jacks back story in Choke of a fatherless kid with a hands off mom. So cry yourself to sleep fag mommy didn't love you. The only position for rape would be Marla whatever but then you gotta ask the question would it be rape? Marla is already fucking Jack's body. So suspending that you know they're the same person you're given a great existential debate here. Rape within the parameters of betrayed consensual sex. Its like a pair of identical twins fucking the same girl with out her knowledge. Then is it rape? She said "yes" in the simplest sense of the word. So the answer is by default no. He couldn't rape her so the very paradox of him not being able to rape Marla blows up the whole scenario before it starts. Or does it? Could Jack have gotten away with fucking Marla after he realizes Tyler is a part of him? Say he meets Marla takes her to the diner so the singer from Live can give them clean food. Jack pulls his dick out under the table, Marla isn't saying no to that dick. She doesn't know its the same dick but to a different brain. I'm at a loss for what is rape and what is just sneaky sex. So I am jack's dismissal from this debate.
Luke: now the Luke rape scenario is going to be immediately qualified by me for two reasons.
1) I love Paul Newman and Luke is my favorite character of all time unless you count "shark" from jaws.
2) no woman in 1967 married single or freshly widowed is saying no to Paul Newman. Most men would say yes for Christs sakes he's enchanting.
3) Luke's heart was outside the prison and he was trying to get back to it. Taking it from another free person makes no sense.
Now the rape scenario is the lady that washed the car in front of the work gang taunting them with her big fat wet tits. (Already assigning blame) so Dragline and Loudmouth overpower the guards and Luke walks over to the girl and makes sweet love to the her. Ok see rape isn't possible, she wants it half as bad as I do. Newman is too dreamy. #37 is out.
Lets move the topic of rape from the past into the future.
Johnny Rico: now this is a scenario I can get behind. Johnny left to join the global federation of earth infantry and his girlfriend from high school Carmen Ibanez joins to be a g.f.e. pilot. So she dumps him via webcam and immediately starts sucking pilot instructor cock. Meanwhile johnny after learning his whole home town is destroyed including his family and dog and other football game teammates thing is seeing his friends and instructors die he ALMOST dies and his girl dumps him for inferiority and obvious lack o' height. The possible rape is of course when they run into each other at hq and johnny still has blood on him and his sweet laser tattoo. And carmen still has her pilot instructors semenal fluids so Rico is overwhelmed with the feeling of him being a pawn coupled with the feeling of being forgotten about by the girl he loved and pretty much only had one love left, and that was the corps. So why not remind Ibanez what she's missing out on, that night after the dance where mazzy star played she took it there. The problem is Denise Richards is an unattractive sow of a woman and i can't imagine him actually fucking her when the other option in his life is much more attractive in Dina Meyer. So even if the anger and hopelessness is there the sheer will to do it isn't there. His balls are drained and he's getting his aggression out on those god damn bugs. Rico is out of this conversation and debate would you like to know more?
Corbin Dallas - Multipass. Well let's agree he has the typical once was a decorated veteran now he finds himself in a life that wasn't as good as where he thought he was headed. He has horrendous dyed blonde hair. He was fired from his lowly job as a cab driver. And what falls from the sky but what could be the most attractive woman of all time in Lelu Dallas Milla Jovovich. So the opportunity is there, the nothing to lose let's suck these tits now mentality is there. He kisses her while passed out so that asks the question. Is "it" there. And it just isn't. As incredibly rapeable as Lelu is she could kick the shit out of any man who tries. Hell maybe even me. So maybe the desire of kissing Lelu wasn't gonna turn into dicking and even if it did she'd probably kick him in the face 10 times in 2 seconds. Plus later in the movie Corbin is in love with her as we all are and there is no chance of raping her at that point. I'll visit this point later in the discussion but like Jean Claude and Segal obviously Bruce Willis doesn't have to rape. Dallas is out.
rantings of a person who has no reason to be as sure of himself as he is.
Showing posts with label rape. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rape. Show all posts
Monday, October 4, 2010
expanding on rape
So I'm sitting at work now pondering adding the character trait of "aggravated rapist" to various movie heroes and who would it most stand out as an oddity with but more to the point.
Which movie hero could get away with rape and have it not greatly affect the story. Rape to me is a horrible crime and its nothing funny about it but we are talking about movie rape so its as serious as any other crime in movie form. My mom thinks rapists should be put to death and like most people who are anti death penalty I'm stuck when people say "why do these people deserve to live" so yeah I'm not promoting rape by any means if anything I'm proving how rape could ruin our view of movie heroes.
Now I could be crass and make the predictable shock humor jokes of I'd like kindergarten cop more if there was rape in it but its hack and lazy. So let's lean into this more.
lets start with two of my favorites.
Mad max: when I think of heroes I think of champion of the weak coming from a background of loss. So having his wife killed and child killed right in front of him could maybe excuse (hahaha I'm excusing rape in my first example) his feverish rage rape. I mean he set a guy on fire slowly. Is that any worse than rape? There is a level of masochism with some of the kills in movies where you wsay "fuck I think I'd rather just be raped." Had Max grabbed one of the post apocalyptic crazy rail mother fuckers and just took the anger out on her. Like if she was a cartwheeling rascally flame thrower girl? I'm basically saying "if mad max raped Cheetara" so this discussion is already lost. Then the whole movie is undone and you just cost yourself what could be the perfect example on how to ruin a great movie with a shit trilogy. Max while having the mean streak and he past of unending pain and deserved anger towards the world that has been evolved into a neurosis song. He certainly does not have the malevolence to commit to rape. Especially with the frequent flashbacks of his wife's face and his insistence to help strangers. So like MasterBlaster and The Mighty Humongous Max is out.
John Rambo: (obviously first blood): Ok here is my second example and already my second case of rape excuse, but to make this discussion you have to placate rape into being less than obviously what it is; But seriously, 'Nam fucked him up and he came back to an entire country of people who dislike him and now have no use for the guy that they let go fight a war he had nothing to do with to begin!!! For those of you who haven't seen the first blood movie than you are GREATLY underestimating 1 how good of an actor Stallone could be in theory 2 how good the Rambo series could have been. Anyways Rambo wronged by his country used to be in charge of million dollar equipment now he can't hold a job parking cars. He comes back to the country drifting from town to town as a vagrant similar to other homeless vets you see on the street. And for the sake of committing to a rape storyline in this movie some hippy broad starts spitting on him calling him a baby killer and all kinds of vile crap. Rambo who is by no means a bad guy just had enough of being an afterthought and on top of it a mascot for a lost war and punches her boyfriend(who I envision to be jenny's abusive boyfriend in Forrest Gump) and he forces himself on her. But in doing so you immediately lose your sympathy for a cop murdering dog slaughtering psycho. He stops being the lovable loner who deserved better annnnd becomes a fucking rapist. Rambo went to a foreign land to kill people for a government and country that forgot him when he came back, the anger is there, the reason to take is there because he hasn't been given an iota of what he has earned. Then you find yourself rooting for Brian Dennehy, David Caruso and the guy who Rambo stole the dirt bike from. Jesus dude just go to the left or the right and Rambo doesn't get a hand on you you're on a 3 stroke, people throttle them over 200 foot gaps and you couldn't out maneuver a fucking mid 30s white man with over 100 feet of options, gun it you pussy. Rambo is out of this discussion but always in my heart.
Those two are perfect characters who later were raped by the poor writing of the trilogy. Lets pick a one and done vigilante to tie it all together.
Travis Bickle: All right now we're getting into people who have the potential to commit to the crime of rape. The potential victim list is slim at best. Iris was down for dick so obviously it'd be "if Travis raped Betsy" now Bickle is our first anti-hero a character seldom done well until Vince McMahon came up with Stone Cold Steve Austin and was able to package it onto t shirts and now Jason Statham plays one in every movie. But ok, Travis had a rough go of it we assume Vietnam wasn't a fun time for Travis and again he comes back to a world that's forgotten him which at the time was an awesome basis for some of the best movies ever made. Now where Rambo felt displaced and ultimately ruled unseemly by his country Travis tried to belong to this new world and it didn't go well. Now I assume the rape would happen after the phone call to Betsy where he tries to get another date or as we all know it "the most uncomfortable moment in cinema history". So he gets Betsy coming from the campaign HQ annnnnnnnnnnnnd well Travis is already a psycho so if you can forgive him for murdering of a pimp and the shootout at the end and everything then maybe. MAYBE. If he went to take something back from the world that forgot him MAYBE you could forgive him for being an armed lunatic giving shit to his passengers MAYBE you can forgive him for his menacing look and construction of weapon accessories then MAYBE he could put his dick in a campaign manager who had 0 respect for his plight and humiliated him several times. But of course you absolutely can't. Suspending any knowledge knowing Betsy was nice to Travis and wasn't by any means a bad person and 100% did not deserve rape. So there it is. Qualified acceptance of a rapist protagonist. I love Bickle but it'd be a different movie after he commits to a horrible crime like that. Bickle wanted to fix the world not ruin it. So Travis is out and likely dead. Suck on this!
Those are 3 good examples of guys who feel betrayed by society who have experienced great loss and feel like they've given more to the world than was given back to them. So lets remove anger from the situation. Lets look into the often rapey world of sports.
Rocky:- so you're telling me a meat head guinea athlete from Philadelphia hasn't committed several cases of rape both standard date rape AND statutory but we can't account for non-movie timeline actions. So lets all agree that the most likely to rape Rocky is Rocky I Rocky. The push-over has been southpaw from WEST PHILADELPHIA BORN AND RAISED who was called upon just to get smashed out by Creed. So the anger isn't there, however there is always the Italian undeserved sense of confidence. But Rocky is far from a mean guy, and even though he's a stuttering muttering douche he's still got the whole gentle side as was established in the ice skating scene, and no guy who takes a girl ice skating is capable of rape, rocky would at worst dry hump Adrienne. Rocky 2 and 3 Rocky was in love with Adrienne therefor incapable of anger passion. In 4 Nielson is a horrible soviet whore reminding me of every awful stripper but with the speech at the end of Rocky 4 about maybe the U.S. and Russia can like each other,
at this point Rocky is soft and easy, he beat Drago, his greatest adversaries Creed and Lang are dead and MIA. And by the time 5 and 6 came around Rocky was too old to sustain an erection. So sadly, finally you can count Rocky out.
Charlie Conway:- ok lets clear this up once and for all using of course the best control for all discussions and basically the barometer of modern day society, the 1998-2000 Detroit Red Wings. Now it may cheapen the greatness of comparing the Red Wings hockey team to a movie about hockey in The Mighty Ducks but its worth it to introduce these means of comparison are designed for you to pick it up quickly and with easy parallels. Especially because it is an easy comparison to make but a hard one to master.
Charlie = Steve Yzerman (the captain, the heart and soul of the team it goes nowhere with out him)
Adam Banks = Sergei Federov (the blazing talent, the speed, the flash although necessary its never really "his" team )
Jesse Hall = Brandon Shannahan (the rough and tumbled goal scorer who never shies from mixing it up)
Fulton Reed = Darren McCarty/Marty Lapointe the enforcer strength add Lidstrom's shot from the crease and you've got Fulton down pat.
So when they're winning games and people are realizing the value of Charlie and his heart there is no excuse for Connie to not to have wanted to fuck. BUT SHE DOESN'T even the figure skater girl is in with fucking of all people Guy. GUY?!? Guy Germaine at best is Larionov. AT BEST!!! For the girls to overlook young Charlie while he's diving on pucks, blocking shots, taking hits, doing the little things, all the while he is dropping hawks and scoring the winning goal!!! He lives the dream. The figure skating girl would be lucky to have Charlie jerk off on her now. In a way I'm glad Charlie didn't lower himself to shitty local Minnesotan pussy. So lets just point out the various reasons why Charlie could never do it.
1 NICENESS he's got the nice guy curse of always doing the work but always watching the girl he wants kiss the douche(like Guy Germaine)
2 IMMATURITY he's too young and doesn't realize what he deserves.
Later in the trilogy he gives up his spot in the series not knowing that he deserves the spot over any of the other kids, no reason to play the Spanish Speedster Mendoza over Charlie.
3 PUBERTY he was too young then and his tiny genitals probably couldn't work and any rape rage back then would probably be replaced with pushing a girl down on the playground.
4 PROMISE he's Joshua Jackson for christs sakes, he'd later play Pacey in Dawson's Creek. For fucks sake he was the 2000s answer to Dylan McKay. He backed his way into more pussy than any other of the ducks put together. Plus he has the option to have the initials "JJ".
Why take when the world is tripping over itself to give to you?
So charlie is also out and is concentrating on coaching.
I'm gonna regroup and think of more heroes.
Which movie hero could get away with rape and have it not greatly affect the story. Rape to me is a horrible crime and its nothing funny about it but we are talking about movie rape so its as serious as any other crime in movie form. My mom thinks rapists should be put to death and like most people who are anti death penalty I'm stuck when people say "why do these people deserve to live" so yeah I'm not promoting rape by any means if anything I'm proving how rape could ruin our view of movie heroes.
Now I could be crass and make the predictable shock humor jokes of I'd like kindergarten cop more if there was rape in it but its hack and lazy. So let's lean into this more.
lets start with two of my favorites.
Mad max: when I think of heroes I think of champion of the weak coming from a background of loss. So having his wife killed and child killed right in front of him could maybe excuse (hahaha I'm excusing rape in my first example) his feverish rage rape. I mean he set a guy on fire slowly. Is that any worse than rape? There is a level of masochism with some of the kills in movies where you wsay "fuck I think I'd rather just be raped." Had Max grabbed one of the post apocalyptic crazy rail mother fuckers and just took the anger out on her. Like if she was a cartwheeling rascally flame thrower girl? I'm basically saying "if mad max raped Cheetara" so this discussion is already lost. Then the whole movie is undone and you just cost yourself what could be the perfect example on how to ruin a great movie with a shit trilogy. Max while having the mean streak and he past of unending pain and deserved anger towards the world that has been evolved into a neurosis song. He certainly does not have the malevolence to commit to rape. Especially with the frequent flashbacks of his wife's face and his insistence to help strangers. So like MasterBlaster and The Mighty Humongous Max is out.
John Rambo: (obviously first blood): Ok here is my second example and already my second case of rape excuse, but to make this discussion you have to placate rape into being less than obviously what it is; But seriously, 'Nam fucked him up and he came back to an entire country of people who dislike him and now have no use for the guy that they let go fight a war he had nothing to do with to begin!!! For those of you who haven't seen the first blood movie than you are GREATLY underestimating 1 how good of an actor Stallone could be in theory 2 how good the Rambo series could have been. Anyways Rambo wronged by his country used to be in charge of million dollar equipment now he can't hold a job parking cars. He comes back to the country drifting from town to town as a vagrant similar to other homeless vets you see on the street. And for the sake of committing to a rape storyline in this movie some hippy broad starts spitting on him calling him a baby killer and all kinds of vile crap. Rambo who is by no means a bad guy just had enough of being an afterthought and on top of it a mascot for a lost war and punches her boyfriend(who I envision to be jenny's abusive boyfriend in Forrest Gump) and he forces himself on her. But in doing so you immediately lose your sympathy for a cop murdering dog slaughtering psycho. He stops being the lovable loner who deserved better annnnd becomes a fucking rapist. Rambo went to a foreign land to kill people for a government and country that forgot him when he came back, the anger is there, the reason to take is there because he hasn't been given an iota of what he has earned. Then you find yourself rooting for Brian Dennehy, David Caruso and the guy who Rambo stole the dirt bike from. Jesus dude just go to the left or the right and Rambo doesn't get a hand on you you're on a 3 stroke, people throttle them over 200 foot gaps and you couldn't out maneuver a fucking mid 30s white man with over 100 feet of options, gun it you pussy. Rambo is out of this discussion but always in my heart.
Those two are perfect characters who later were raped by the poor writing of the trilogy. Lets pick a one and done vigilante to tie it all together.
Travis Bickle: All right now we're getting into people who have the potential to commit to the crime of rape. The potential victim list is slim at best. Iris was down for dick so obviously it'd be "if Travis raped Betsy" now Bickle is our first anti-hero a character seldom done well until Vince McMahon came up with Stone Cold Steve Austin and was able to package it onto t shirts and now Jason Statham plays one in every movie. But ok, Travis had a rough go of it we assume Vietnam wasn't a fun time for Travis and again he comes back to a world that's forgotten him which at the time was an awesome basis for some of the best movies ever made. Now where Rambo felt displaced and ultimately ruled unseemly by his country Travis tried to belong to this new world and it didn't go well. Now I assume the rape would happen after the phone call to Betsy where he tries to get another date or as we all know it "the most uncomfortable moment in cinema history". So he gets Betsy coming from the campaign HQ annnnnnnnnnnnnd well Travis is already a psycho so if you can forgive him for murdering of a pimp and the shootout at the end and everything then maybe. MAYBE. If he went to take something back from the world that forgot him MAYBE you could forgive him for being an armed lunatic giving shit to his passengers MAYBE you can forgive him for his menacing look and construction of weapon accessories then MAYBE he could put his dick in a campaign manager who had 0 respect for his plight and humiliated him several times. But of course you absolutely can't. Suspending any knowledge knowing Betsy was nice to Travis and wasn't by any means a bad person and 100% did not deserve rape. So there it is. Qualified acceptance of a rapist protagonist. I love Bickle but it'd be a different movie after he commits to a horrible crime like that. Bickle wanted to fix the world not ruin it. So Travis is out and likely dead. Suck on this!
Those are 3 good examples of guys who feel betrayed by society who have experienced great loss and feel like they've given more to the world than was given back to them. So lets remove anger from the situation. Lets look into the often rapey world of sports.
Rocky:- so you're telling me a meat head guinea athlete from Philadelphia hasn't committed several cases of rape both standard date rape AND statutory but we can't account for non-movie timeline actions. So lets all agree that the most likely to rape Rocky is Rocky I Rocky. The push-over has been southpaw from WEST PHILADELPHIA BORN AND RAISED who was called upon just to get smashed out by Creed. So the anger isn't there, however there is always the Italian undeserved sense of confidence. But Rocky is far from a mean guy, and even though he's a stuttering muttering douche he's still got the whole gentle side as was established in the ice skating scene, and no guy who takes a girl ice skating is capable of rape, rocky would at worst dry hump Adrienne. Rocky 2 and 3 Rocky was in love with Adrienne therefor incapable of anger passion. In 4 Nielson is a horrible soviet whore reminding me of every awful stripper but with the speech at the end of Rocky 4 about maybe the U.S. and Russia can like each other,
at this point Rocky is soft and easy, he beat Drago, his greatest adversaries Creed and Lang are dead and MIA. And by the time 5 and 6 came around Rocky was too old to sustain an erection. So sadly, finally you can count Rocky out.
Charlie Conway:- ok lets clear this up once and for all using of course the best control for all discussions and basically the barometer of modern day society, the 1998-2000 Detroit Red Wings. Now it may cheapen the greatness of comparing the Red Wings hockey team to a movie about hockey in The Mighty Ducks but its worth it to introduce these means of comparison are designed for you to pick it up quickly and with easy parallels. Especially because it is an easy comparison to make but a hard one to master.
Charlie = Steve Yzerman (the captain, the heart and soul of the team it goes nowhere with out him)
Adam Banks = Sergei Federov (the blazing talent, the speed, the flash although necessary its never really "his" team )
Jesse Hall = Brandon Shannahan (the rough and tumbled goal scorer who never shies from mixing it up)
Fulton Reed = Darren McCarty/Marty Lapointe the enforcer strength add Lidstrom's shot from the crease and you've got Fulton down pat.
So when they're winning games and people are realizing the value of Charlie and his heart there is no excuse for Connie to not to have wanted to fuck. BUT SHE DOESN'T even the figure skater girl is in with fucking of all people Guy. GUY?!? Guy Germaine at best is Larionov. AT BEST!!! For the girls to overlook young Charlie while he's diving on pucks, blocking shots, taking hits, doing the little things, all the while he is dropping hawks and scoring the winning goal!!! He lives the dream. The figure skating girl would be lucky to have Charlie jerk off on her now. In a way I'm glad Charlie didn't lower himself to shitty local Minnesotan pussy. So lets just point out the various reasons why Charlie could never do it.
1 NICENESS he's got the nice guy curse of always doing the work but always watching the girl he wants kiss the douche(like Guy Germaine)
2 IMMATURITY he's too young and doesn't realize what he deserves.
Later in the trilogy he gives up his spot in the series not knowing that he deserves the spot over any of the other kids, no reason to play the Spanish Speedster Mendoza over Charlie.
3 PUBERTY he was too young then and his tiny genitals probably couldn't work and any rape rage back then would probably be replaced with pushing a girl down on the playground.
4 PROMISE he's Joshua Jackson for christs sakes, he'd later play Pacey in Dawson's Creek. For fucks sake he was the 2000s answer to Dylan McKay. He backed his way into more pussy than any other of the ducks put together. Plus he has the option to have the initials "JJ".
Why take when the world is tripping over itself to give to you?
So charlie is also out and is concentrating on coaching.
I'm gonna regroup and think of more heroes.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
high plains drifter (1973)
So after for a few dollars more, a fistful of dollars, hang em high and the good the bad the ugly(ignoring paint your wagon and two mules for sister sarah for musical and horrible co-star female scene stealing attempts) clint was bar none the best movie star of all timed named clint supplanting clint walker and peter cushing. Going into the early mid 70s any movie with the words "eastwood" and "western" was instant hype and pretty much bankable gold. So when this movie pulled an elephant dick out in the first 5 minutes and never explained it it kind of left you wondering "what the fuck just happened".
HAPPENED
Ok so the movie is just like any of the unnamed series. Blondie stranger rolls into town. Establishes he's a bad ass by murdering petty criminals and bullies and sticks up for the littleman. Except in this movie the littleman is actually a midget, and before you let that ruin the movie for you let me throw this in as a quick detour. The hero of the movie commits aggrevated rape 10 minutes into it.
For those of you who haven't seen this movie you're likely thinking "fuck are you serious?" And for those of you who have you're saying "fuuuck that was odd". Now many of you are thinking well surely there will be resolution to that and you're just wrong. Anyways the town rallies around ol' rapeypants and starts training for a returning gang of ne'erdowells. Many of you will recognize that plot from countless stories (magnificent seven, the three amigos) all of course except the woman clint eastwood angrily raped who is foiled of revenge when a townsman takes a gun from her when she tries to kill him.
Now as for the gang returning. Well they were arrested in the town and want to get revenge on it. You know. Like all criminals who want to kill the cops who arrest them. I never understood this logic. Fires never want to kill the fire fighters that put them out. Oh wait backdraft sucked. So in the first 20 seconds of meeting the gang the movie of course makes you hate them and establishes them as villains byyyyy revealing they were mistreated in prison? Yep. They were made to eat their own horses. For months. Well so far you're 1/3rd into the movie and the biggest assholes in it are.
1 the hero
2 the people he is protecting
3 the jailers
Eventually you're made to dislike the gang but not in the way you'd think. They keep cutting back to them for really worthless character establishing segments. Once they kill some other drifting scumbags, another time they kill a horse. By the time they get to the town you realize all you know about these guys is if this was a little different they'd be the heroes and eastwood would be the villain. The townsmen themselves are rape hiding racist scumbags who treat the poor like animals, at one point I swear one of them was wearing a philadelphia eagles shirt.
At one point during the movie I found myself wishing the whole town burns down with everyone killed and the records don't make it out of the fire.
I submit you could never really like the hero of the movie and with good reason. He steals from the townsmen. Rips their barns down. Takes their goods they sold in their shops and worst of all is accompanied by the midget who I assume is only kept around for comic relief, of which he supplies none. I hate comic relief in movies. I don't need to be bailed out. I've agreed to see your movie stop giving me air when I went into this agreement knowing I had to hold my breath.
clint and comedic death.
I remembered this movie to be a lot more bad ass. But it just was odd and unfunny. Clint is cold(which is expected) but somehow he didn't have anything that made him likable or seem bothered by his past. He had muiltiple flashbacks to a really badly acted torture scene but by the time you figure out his role in it you already hate his guts.
All in all this has to be clint's worst western and it was a shocker that he rebounded so well after with josey and unforgiven(maybe because they didn't have him fucking rape a woman before the credits were done). Clint is on my mt rushmore of acting and it sucks he's so old because he could be one of my favorite directors and I'd love to see him keep going for another 30 years of making movies. He has in himself the best no right answer debate. Clint the actor vs clint the director. Maybe clint isn't the best actor but he is a phenomenal movie star. Now obviously this blog will be a great success and clint will read this so. I love you Clint Eastwood.
Ps at the end of the movie he rapes again. Not kidding. Multiple rapes multiple victims. Hero.
HAPPENED
Ok so the movie is just like any of the unnamed series. Blondie stranger rolls into town. Establishes he's a bad ass by murdering petty criminals and bullies and sticks up for the littleman. Except in this movie the littleman is actually a midget, and before you let that ruin the movie for you let me throw this in as a quick detour. The hero of the movie commits aggrevated rape 10 minutes into it.
For those of you who haven't seen this movie you're likely thinking "fuck are you serious?" And for those of you who have you're saying "fuuuck that was odd". Now many of you are thinking well surely there will be resolution to that and you're just wrong. Anyways the town rallies around ol' rapeypants and starts training for a returning gang of ne'erdowells. Many of you will recognize that plot from countless stories (magnificent seven, the three amigos) all of course except the woman clint eastwood angrily raped who is foiled of revenge when a townsman takes a gun from her when she tries to kill him.
Now as for the gang returning. Well they were arrested in the town and want to get revenge on it. You know. Like all criminals who want to kill the cops who arrest them. I never understood this logic. Fires never want to kill the fire fighters that put them out. Oh wait backdraft sucked. So in the first 20 seconds of meeting the gang the movie of course makes you hate them and establishes them as villains byyyyy revealing they were mistreated in prison? Yep. They were made to eat their own horses. For months. Well so far you're 1/3rd into the movie and the biggest assholes in it are.
1 the hero
2 the people he is protecting
3 the jailers
Eventually you're made to dislike the gang but not in the way you'd think. They keep cutting back to them for really worthless character establishing segments. Once they kill some other drifting scumbags, another time they kill a horse. By the time they get to the town you realize all you know about these guys is if this was a little different they'd be the heroes and eastwood would be the villain. The townsmen themselves are rape hiding racist scumbags who treat the poor like animals, at one point I swear one of them was wearing a philadelphia eagles shirt.
At one point during the movie I found myself wishing the whole town burns down with everyone killed and the records don't make it out of the fire.
I submit you could never really like the hero of the movie and with good reason. He steals from the townsmen. Rips their barns down. Takes their goods they sold in their shops and worst of all is accompanied by the midget who I assume is only kept around for comic relief, of which he supplies none. I hate comic relief in movies. I don't need to be bailed out. I've agreed to see your movie stop giving me air when I went into this agreement knowing I had to hold my breath.
clint and comedic death.
I remembered this movie to be a lot more bad ass. But it just was odd and unfunny. Clint is cold(which is expected) but somehow he didn't have anything that made him likable or seem bothered by his past. He had muiltiple flashbacks to a really badly acted torture scene but by the time you figure out his role in it you already hate his guts.
All in all this has to be clint's worst western and it was a shocker that he rebounded so well after with josey and unforgiven(maybe because they didn't have him fucking rape a woman before the credits were done). Clint is on my mt rushmore of acting and it sucks he's so old because he could be one of my favorite directors and I'd love to see him keep going for another 30 years of making movies. He has in himself the best no right answer debate. Clint the actor vs clint the director. Maybe clint isn't the best actor but he is a phenomenal movie star. Now obviously this blog will be a great success and clint will read this so. I love you Clint Eastwood.
Ps at the end of the movie he rapes again. Not kidding. Multiple rapes multiple victims. Hero.
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